Page 33 of King of Hearts

“Juan, no…I’ll just—”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself or the baby.”

She stayed quiet while I brought her back, helping her ease back in.

Settling in beside me, she finally whispered, “Why do you care about the baby?”

“Don’t you?” I shifted to my side.

“Obviously…but I’ve gotten used to being the only one.”

That made my chest ache, and I wasn’t sure why. She wasn’t my business, wasn’t my problem, yet not having anyone care…that would be shitty as hell. Why didn’t she have anyone who cared? Surely, Mallory did…and…fuck, who else did she have?

I folded my hands across my chest so I wouldn’t be tempted to touch her. “Well, you’re not the only one.”

We waited in the dark while the storm raged outside, and while she didn’t ask me to stay, for some reason I knew I needed to. So, I did, waiting until her breathing evened out and I knew she was asleep. Then I covered her and got up, all the while knowing I needed this not to go any further. She could stay…the baby too, for as long as they needed, but I needed to find somewhere else to be. Tonight, we’d come too close to crossing a line, and I’d obviously upset her. It was a mistake I wouldn’t make again.

Chapter Thirteen

Reds and creamsall swirled in a chaotic mix around me as nervous energy thrummed under my skin. This was the third time I’d somehow wandered to this side of town and into this store. Each time I’d get as far as the greying carpet signaling the start of the baby section, then I’d stop and look around as though I was an imposter. I had no idea what I was doing, but I couldn’t help but wander here, curious about what my little bean would need when he or she came. Rubbing my belly, I stepped over the invisible barrier and began thumbing through little outfits and rompers that were so cute my heart nearly burst. My eyes kept drifting to the girl clothes, the pinks and teals, even the little flamingo rocker…my heart thumped wildly in my chest as I took in all the possibilities.

“Can I help you find anything?” A woman in a red shirt smiled at me while wrangling a rack of clothes.

“Um…I don’t know,” I said in response, unsure of what I was looking for or why I was there, again. I greedily took in the highchair displays and cribs…there was so much, so many things I would need, and where would I store it all?

“Well…let’s see, you’re what, in your third trimester now?” She eyed my stomach.

I turned toward her, my brows hitting my hairline. “Yeah, how did you know that?”

“I just had a baby last year.” She waved me off.

My eyes lit up, my heart soaring. “This one is my first. I honestly have no idea where to even begin, or what I need.”

“Oh girl.” She smiled and urged me forward. I followed after her while we headed away from the clothes and displays of cribs and rounded the corner. The first aisle had blankets and other cuddly things, along with bathtubs and a few lotions, and another had diapers…so many diapers.

“Holy smokes…why are there so many options?” I ran my fingers along one of the boxes.

The woman gave me a sympathetic look. “Anyone in your family who can help you?”

I snorted. “Not anyone who’d know anything.”

“Well…” She hesitated, looking over her shoulder. “Here.” She pointed toward the letter N in the bottom corner of the diaper box. “This stands for newborn. It’s the first size for babies when they’re born…then you go up to one, then two, and so on. You’ll know as they get older when they’re ready for the next stage.”

Feeling empowered, I grabbed a red and white box with the N in the bottom corner.

“You’ll need wipes—lots of them, and a ton of other things.” She pulled out her phone and typed away. “This website will help you, and go on Pinterest, type in what to get as a new mom—there are a lot of really good blogs.”

I eyed the screen of her phone, feeling a little stupid. Why hadn’t I thought of that?

“Thank you, you’ve already been really helpful.”

She smiled again, her flawless ebony skin radiant against her white teeth. “You’re welcome. Listen, that N goes for the sizing on clothes too. First ones they wear have the N on it, then it goes zero to three months, and so on.”

I nodded to communicate my understanding, feeling a little less like an imposter and a bit more like a soon-to-be mother. The feeling swooshed into my chest like a cold liquid.

“By the way…do you know what you’re having?” she asked, nearly out of the baby section.

My eyes watered because I hadn’t wanted to find out, afraid to get too attached. So, I just shook my head no. It was partly why it had been such a bad day the day prior. I’d had an O.B. appointment, and Dr. Kline was in a bad mood. He wanted to show me the stimulation technique again, and this time I told him no. It felt strange to have his hands on me, and wrong…and I wasn’t sure if I had been rude by telling him no, but I felt like I should have the right to turn down medical services, even if they were as twisted and strange as him offering to get me off.

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