Page 106 of 10 Days to Ruin

No. No, I don’t.

Not entirely, at least. The image of Sasha’s scarred knuckles cradling that plastic infant flashes behind my eyes. My thighs squeeze together of their own accord.

“I don’t know what I mean anymore.” I exhale and rub at my tired neck.

“Have these days changed nothing in your heart or your mind?”

“It’s not that. There’s… chemistry,” I admit through gritted teeth. “Doesn’t mean I want to be his Suzie Homemaker and baby manufacturing machine.”

“Chemistry.” Kosti snorts. “That’s what your mother called the tequila shots that led to you.”

“Gross.”

“Ach, you’re probably right. Sometimes, I forget you’re my niece and I’m supposed to watch what I say to you. But Ari…”

He pauses again, long enough that I ask, “Yes?”

“If you… if you really don’t want this… if you reach the end of these ten days and you truly, in your heart, in your soul, cannot go through with it… I will help you.”

The pulse is thudding in every extremity of my body now. In the soles of my feet and the tips of my ears, I feel it.

Ba-boom. Ba-boom.

Cautiously, I ask, “What does that mean, Uncle Kosti?”

“It means I’m offering you an out,koukla.”

I still. A rat scuttles past my sandals, but I’m too dumbstruck by what my uncle is saying to even bother with a scream. “What kind of out?”

“Passports. Cash. New identity. If you say the word, I will erase you so completely that neither Leander nor even God will ever find you.” His tone hardens. “But once you go… you don’t come back. Not to New York. Not to your mother. Not even to my funeral. It’s goodbye forever, darling.”

The alley tilts. I cling to the dumpster’s edge. “Jesus…”

“This life is…” Kosti coughs—a wet, rattling sound that makes my stomach drop. “It’s a hungry beast,koukla. Doesn’t matter if you’re blood or not. You owe it flesh. Leander gave it Jasmine, but that didn’t get him what he was after. So now, he’ll feed it you.”

Streetlights bleach the pavement bone-white in my vision. I just keep staring at a single piece of ancient gum stuck to the ground, blackened by Lord only knows how many sets of footprints. It’s the only thing still tethering me to reality.

To say goodbye

“I need time,” I whisper.

“You’ve got four days. Then even I can’t help you. Take your time; think it through. I won’t let you suffer needlessly. Talk soon,koukla.”

He hangs up.

I stare at the phone. My lock screen is a selfie with Gina, the two of us smizing outside the Gazette. My chest constricts. If I run…

It’d mean goodbye to that.

It’d mean goodbye to everything I’ve scratched and clawed for: my crummy apartment, lattes for Sportswriter Steve, my Lois Lane pipe dreams. It’d mean goodbye to New York and to my Mama.

It’d mean goodbye forever to Sasha Ozerov.

Is that what I want anymore?

I turn around and start heading for home. Suddenly, all I want is to be amongst my things. My meager, stupid IKEA furniture and all the wobbles and unevenness that came from building it myself.

But I built itmyself,dammit! Jas wasn’t here to help me and Leander would sure as hell never bother, even if I was inclined to let him. I built this life myself, and it wasfreedom,and that’s all I ever wanted.

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