Page 88 of His Secret Obsession

I smack his shoulder and give him a disapproving look. “He’s your brother!”

Luke guffaws, the sound muffled as he shoves another bite of muffin into his mouth. “Enjoy your time in the doghouse, bro.”

Honestly, some tiny part of me—okay, a lot of me—wants to swoon over the mental image that now lives rent-free in my head. Jax swinging his fist directly into Luke’s cheating, lying face. Just the thought makes my ovaries want to dance.

“He deserved it,” Jax rumbles. Luke shrugs as if to silently agree.

When the room becomes silent again, Jax clears his throat before mumbling something about taking a shower. I climb off his lap, settling back in his vacant chair as he carries his empty coffee mug towards the sink. His eyes slide back and forth between me and Luke as he ambles out of the room. He hesitates, looking like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.

After the sound of Jax’s footsteps fade, Luke breathes out a heavy sigh before looking at me. Knowing this is the first time I’ve been alone with him since our dramatic breakup makes me nervous, and my palms grow sweaty. My anger has long since faded, and I find myself just…wanting to move forward. I don’t want to argue, or even worse, listen to Luke ask for another chance.

“I think that was supposed to be a not-so-subtle hint to talk to you,” he says, rolling his eyes on the wordsubtle. My lips twitch but I remain silent. “I guess we’ve been needing to have this conversation for a while,” Luke continues. He pushes his hands through the long strands of dirty-blonde hair, causing his half-bun to lay crooked. The look of trepidation on his face has me feeling a little sympathetic.

“First of all, I apologize for…” Luke blows out a heavy breath, a half-smile forming on his lips as he releases a bitter chuckle. “…everything,” he finishes. My eyebrows shoot up. Honestly, I’m not sure if I ever expected to receive an apology.

“Luke, I…”

His smile is grim. “I was a shitty boyfriend, and I take full responsibility for everything.” He looks down at his own hands, absentmindedly picking at his cuticles. “I think maybe the first few years were good, but then I checked out. I was never there for you, even though you stuck by me every time I did something stupid. Like how you never told Jax about the time you bailed me out of jail for fighting.”

It’s more of a statement than a question, but I answer him anyway. “No.”

He nods like he was expecting that answer before clearing his throat. “I’ve been…dealing with some things.” He speaks quietly, hesitantly as he averts his gaze. I have no clue what he means by this, and I wonder if there’s something I’ve missed. A surprising amount of worry lances through me, and my hand darts out to cover his. There is an imperceptible widening of his eyes.

“You know you can talk to me, right? Even though we are not…You can always come talk to me.”

Once upon a time, I would have said he was my friend as well as my boyfriend. And surprisingly, not all of that fondness has dissipated. Maybe that’s all we were meant to be: friends. I hope one day we can be that again.

He nods reluctantly. “There are things I’m not ready to talk about yet, but I shouldn’t have let my problems interfere in our relationship.”

Was I such a shitty girlfriend that I didn’t realize he was going through something? Didn’t I often notice the gradual change in his personality over the past half year, wondering why the happy, care-free boy that I met in college was often absentminded and withdrawn?

“It’s not your fault, Maddie.” He says it quietly, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze before pulling away. “I’ve kept some things from you, and I have my own reasons for that. But it’s not because of any shortcomings on your part.” I give him a grateful smile because oddly, that does make me feel better. Part of me wants to keep prying, to dig around and find out what he’s hiding. To find out if I can help him. But I get the feeling we’re getting off track here and that he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“My point is, I should have been there for you more—been there for us. And I own up to that,” he continues, a frown marring his face. “At my going away party, I had too much to drink because I knew our relationship was…not what it used to be. I thought maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

I look away, feeling guilty.

“And it’s not an excuse at all, but when that girl started flirting with me…I guess it felt nice to feel wanted. I should have pushed her away, and gone to find you. I should have done anything else but kiss her. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

I blink away the tears threatening to gather in my eyes. While this conversation doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, it’s still bittersweet to finally get the closure we both need.

“I shouldn’t have let the relationship drag out as long as I did. I wasn’t happy for a long time, but I stayed anyway. That wasn’tfair to either of us,” I say, my voice cracking a little as I admit to my own faults. The truth of the matter is that we both have some blame here. I grew comfortable in our relationship, silently stewing about the things I wish would change but not actually doing anything about it.

I make a silent vow right now that I’ll never let that happen again. If I don’t like something, or I’m unhappy, I’ll talk to Jax. I won’t settle and silently stew until everything piles up, until the relationship becomes a burden and not a sanctuary. If something is wrong, I’ll give him a chance to make it right.

“Jax told me about the bar,” Luke says softly.

I wince.

“I wish you would have told me. Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t really know,” I admit. “At first, I was afraid you would think I was only using you to get to Jax or you would think it was too weird that I had been with him and break up with me.” I blow out a huff of air and run a hand through my hair. “Then as time went on, I was afraid you would be mad at me for not telling you and eventually…it just became easier not to tell you at all.”

“I think I deserved to know that.”

“You did, and I’m sorry.” I trace my finger over a crack in the kitchen table, not wanting to meet his eyes. “If I could do it all over again, I would tell you from the beginning.”

Luke nods, seeming to accept my answer as I meet his gaze again.

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