Page 39 of His Secret Obsession

Moth, meet flame.

“Jax.” His name slips out of my mouth unbidden, and it doesn’t sound like me at all. Breathless and a little crazed.

“Goddamn, I love it when you say my name like that. I want to kiss you again. Please, can I? Just a few more, and then I’ll stop. I’ll be good, I promise.” He sounds desperate, and it makes my heart flutter. I squeeze my thighs together, my panties becoming damp.

Shakily, I nod.

Then he’s pushing me backwards until I hit the wall. His mouth slants over mine, taking my lips in a demanding kiss. This kiss isn’t soft at all. It’s a frenzied clashing of teeth and tongue, and it’s everything I need right now. My fingers grip a fistful of his hair, and I tug him towards me, as if he could get any closer.

Jax groans in response, his eyes half-lidded when he finally comes up for air. One hand glides down the back of my thigh before hitching my leg over his hip. With his groin cradled against mine, he grinds his erection into me. His hand envelopes my throat, firmly but not enough to impede my airway. It’s a possessive hold that makes me want to melt into him. Then his lips are kissing along my jaw. My hips thrust forward when he nips at my earlobe.

“We have to stop,” he pants.

“One more.” Now that I’ve started, pulling myself away from him feels impossible. In all honesty, I’ve never spent much time just kissing without further expectation. In my past relationships, it’s always been a perfunctory step on the way to other things. But it doesn’t feel that way with Jax. With him, it feels like…everything.I could spend hours kissing this man and never grow tired of it. In fact, I’m seriously tempted to test that theory. Especially when the next kiss is just as hungry as the last.

“Again,” he demands. I oblige him.

Wanting to explore every inch of his body, my hands slide down his biceps. I’m restless as a low throbbing makes itselfknown between my legs, and it shows in the frantic way I touch him. My palms roam down his chest before gliding my nails up his back, which earns me a shudder. They slide back down, moving around to the front of his body where I run a light hand over his erection. I revel in the feel of smooth skin underneath my hands, the way he grits his teeth with a hiss when I touch him, and the way his eyes flash with want.

This thing between us is starting to feel inevitable, and I’m not sure I have the energy to fight it anymore.

“We could do a little more than kissing,” I suggest breathlessly, my fingers tugging on one of his belt loops for emphasis. “Luke doesn’t have to know.”

He freezes.

Shit. Why did I say that? Why did I choose now to open my big mouth and remind him why we don’t work?

“Jax, I—”

His face turns pale as he stares down between our bodies, as though finally remembering why this is bad. Guilt, shame, horror—I watch them all flit across his face, and it feels like a slap to mine. He quickly pulls away before reaching down to adjust the bulge in his jeans. I’m left standing there, gaping, the sudden absence of his body heat making me cold.

I ruined this.

“I’m sorry.”

“No,” he snaps, pinning me with a glare. “Don’t you dare feel sorry.” Then his shoulders slump as a look of regret and resignation washes over him. He squeezes the bridge of his nose as I cross my arms. I’m so disappointed and angry at myself that I wish I could kick my own rear end.

His voice is softer when he speaks again. “I didn’t mean to let us get carried away. We can’t do this.” His eyes are full of remorse when he says that, and it chips away at my heart. “Your ex-boyfriend is my brother.”

“I get it, I really do.” Even if part of me is irrationally irritated at the ease with which he was able to pump the beaks. Clearly, I’m more hung up on this then he is. But I imagine what this would do to his relationship with Luke, and how he would react to us being together. A heavy guilt settles in my stomach. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“One of these days, I’m going to remember to keep my hands off you,” he mutters. Something painful twists inside me at his words.

An awkward silence settles around us. He clears his throat, looking at everything except me. “I think I’ll just go grab a burger from the bar downtown for dinner tonight.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I don’t want him to go, but I know that some distance and time to cool off is exactly what we both need right now.

He shakes his head, giving me a sad smile before silently grabbing his coat and heading towards the front door. “Maddie?” I turn towards the sound of my name. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. For more than you can imagine.” My forehead wrinkles at his statement, but before I have time to question him, he’s gone.

I stare in silence at the door until my feet ache, some pathetic part of me wishing he would change his mind and come back. And I wonder, is he sorry we met at the bar that night? Does he wish he had let me walk away? I want to run after him and tell him he has nothing to be sorry for, nothing at all.

He wants to be loyal to his baby brother.

I don’t want him to feel guilty over me. He’s too good of a person for that. He deserves to move on, to put this behind him once and for all. And I deserve a man who won’t feel like shit every time he kisses me. Someone I don’t have to hide or feel guilty about being with.

I nibble on my bottom lip, knowing there’s only one way to make myself move on. To make myself give him up. Dread fills my chest as I climb up the stairs, the beginning of an idea forming in my mind. I doubt I’ll be able to move on from him anytime soon, but the expression “fake it until you make it” comes to mind. Besides, if he believes that I have moved on, then maybe that will be the push he needs to move on himself. Maybe he’ll realize I was just a passing fancy and find another woman to flirt with.

For some reason, the thought stings more than it should. A selfish part of me doesn’t want to watch him moving on with another woman. Sighing, I pull out my cell phone and call Hazel. She picks up on the second ring, sounding just as cheerful and optimistic as ever.

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