Page 55 of Little Dove

I want so badly to walk back to her, pull her into my arms, and promise her that she has nothing to worry about on that front, that I’ll never leave her, but I stay still. Instead, I ask, “Why are you afraid of that, Amara? Is it because of earlier?” The thought of her being afraid of me because of me being a jealous ass sours my gut.

She shakes her head, her eyes looking haunted. “Because no man has ever been trustworthy to me, Lazaro. No, actually, no manorwoman has been trustworthy to me. They’ve always broken their promises or hurt me in some way. I learned a long time ago that the only person I can rely on is me, but then you come in and take that out like a wrecking ball in the span of afew days. I’m in a new world, a new city, and a home I’d never ever imagined I’d ever get to be inside, and the only constant in all of it is you. Something inside me wants to reach out and cling to you until it stops spinning and rights itself, but that’s not possible, and I shouldn’t want that. I should be strong enough to handle all of this on my own without you. Right?”

“Amara—”

“No, don’t try to placate me or tell me that it’s normal. It’s notmynormal. Nothing about you and me is normal.” She runs a hand over her hair, then lets out a frustrated sound and yanks at the tie in it, her hair falling out of the ponytail and around her shoulders. She thrusts her hands through it in frustration before she huffs out, “Fuck, no part of my life has ever been normal, so why should I expect this to be? I hate it, and as much as I need you in my corner, I resent it too, but that’s not really fair either.”

That surprises me, and I don’t want to stand here anymore. I move forward, gently taking her hands in mine before she can pull at her hair again. She looks up at me but doesn’t pull away. I’ll call that progress. “Why do you resent me?”

“No, I don’t resent you specifically,” she corrects with a quick shake of her head. “I resent that I need anyone to be on my side. I should be a confident woman that can handle this shit on her own. Just like I’ve been doing my entire life.”

“But even confident and self-sufficient women need to be able to relax and relinquish control once in a while,” I remind her gently, linking her hands with mine. “And this situation, this isn’t normal, you’re right, which is exactly why you need someone in your corner even more.”

“I’ve never been able to relax, Lazaro. It’s just not who I am, and I’ve never had that option. Only now, here you are, offering all of that to me, and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s also fucking with my head that you want me so much, and I want you just as much. I don’t understand it, I really don’t. Sex is a no forme. Men, as a whole, are a no for me. I figured that out when I tried kissing with a couple of guys, and it was an entire disaster,” she mutters bitterly.

My jaw clenches at the thought of another man getting to taste or touch her in any way, but I battle it back. Jealousy is what got me into this situation in the first place. Instead, I suggest gently, “Maybe it’s not that men are a no, but you need a specific kind of man. A man you can trust because you know he isn’t going to use you or hurt you just for his own enjoyment.”

She doesn’t look convinced, but shrugs. “Maybe, but I have no idea what I need, Lazaro. That’s what freaks me out with you. You seem to know exactly what you want, how you want it to be, and how to make it happen. You’ve been sure of wanting me since we met, and you haven’t made it a secret. Maybe you’re being heavy-handed about it at times, but at least I know where you stand. I can’t give you the same, and that’s not fair to you either.”

“I don’t care about being fair, Amara. Just knowing that you want to try, and that you trust me, is enough. We can build from there.” A sense of hope fills me. We can figure this out, we can get to where we both will be happy, we just need to try.

Her mouth pulls down into a deep frown. “Trying is one thing, and while I trust you, Lazaro, it doesn’t seem that you trust me, and that is far too big a block for me to get past.”

That hope fizzles out.Shit.“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Amara. I do.”

“You have a funny way of showing that, considering youforbademe from running my business that will involve most of the clients being men. As if you have some say in that. You don’t, Lazaro. I don’t know how else to make you understand that. This is my career we’re talking about. You don’t ever get to dictate that.”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Alright, we need to get into this and figure it out or we’re not going to get past it. “You’re right, and I shouldn’t have. When it comes to you,colombina, all my common sense flies out the window. I let jealousy cloud my judgment. You’re right that your career is yours, and I shouldn’t have any say in that, but that doesn’t mean I can sit back and be okay with a bunch of men I don’t know sitting in a position that makes you vulnerable. Every instinct I have is screaming at me to keep you away from that. To shield you.”

“Does this have to do with the men that got into the house before I came?” I startle at that. How the fuck did she find out about that? Before I can ask her, she continues, “Rori let it slip, thinking I already knew about it. That Gia’s guard was a traitor and let my family in to try and take her and Sienna. Is that why you’re so over the top? You think it’s going to happen again?”

“It won’t happen again,” I vow fiercely. “And yes, that’s a part of it, but mostly, it’s that I know my job and what can happen. I see it on a regular basis even when things are running normally. All it takes is one second, and those scissors or your razor blade can be at your neck, and you’ll be gone. Either dead, or they’ll get you out and away. I want you to do your job and do what makes you happy, but your safety is far more important. Especially right now.”

“If you’re so sure that can happen, then why did you bring me here?” It’s not said with malice, but there’s definitely an undercurrent of disbelief in her voice.

“Because I won’t allow it to happen. The only men who will be allowed to guard you and your cousins are ones we trust wholeheartedly. Ones who we know can’t be bought off or threatened into complying with your family. It wouldn’t matter where we were; that would always be the worry. But I can’t say the same for the other men around us. I don’t know Nico’s men,and I don’t know all of ours either. We have some newer soldiers that still have to prove themselves; they are the ones that we have to watch closely. They are also young, and they’ll want to be around a beautiful woman, ready to charm her and flirt with her.”

“And that makes you jealous? That they might want to flirt with me?”

“Yes.” Why hide it? “I don’t think you’ll return it, but the thought of another man getting to make you laugh or smile, makes me want to do insanely irrational things.”

“Like gouge their eyes out?” she asks drily.

I nod. “Exactly. Where you are concerned, Amara, I’ll never do things in half-measures.”

“Mhmm. We’ll come back to that. Back to the safety part first. You don’t like that I’m around sharp instruments that someone can use against me, right?”

“Yes. And while I know you’ll have Mario in the room with you, he might be just that second too late. There will be no stopping me if anything happens to you, Amara. You think what happened in the dining room was over the top, but that’s nothing compared to what I will do.” She has no idea how much blood will spill if she even so much as sheds a drop. Even now, the urge to kill some imaginary person fills me.

“Yeah, that’s a bit much for me to comprehend right now. But you keep saying that you want to be a couple. When this is all over, and when I finally have a new salon somewhere else, did you expect me to only have female clients for the rest of my life?”

I open my mouth to tell her no, but then quickly snap it shut because that is exactly what I’ve been expecting. “I’ve always thought of women going to a salon and men being with a man at the barbershop. At least, that’s the way things are back home,” I admit. “I don’t know many women who would do a man’s hair. Maybe that’s an Italian thing, especially with how many menwork for various crime families, and women there would never dream of going to a man to do their hair.”

“Well, that’s Italy, and this is America. Here, women do men’s hair, and men do women’s. And I can’t change that about me, Lazaro. Will I have a majority female clientele? Probably, but I’m not going to spend my life in fear that if a man walks in for a haircut, that you’re going to go crazy and try to murder him for even daring to come in the door. And just so we’re clear, if you ever use the word ‘forbid’ again, it’s not going to be other men you’ll have to worry about with sharp instruments — it’s going to be me.” She glares at me, hands going to her hips, no doubt trying to look threatening, but not quite managing it.

She looks too fucking cute. I’m not stupid enough to say that, though. I’m not going to test her sharp instruments just yet. My dick is still aching from that punch.

I nod, keeping my expression serious. “I know that,colombina. But I can’t promise that I’m not going to be irrational. Especially if a man ever makes you uncomfortable the way that other fucker was when I walked into your shop. Then all bets are off.”

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