Page 2 of Daddy's Little Dreamer

“Yes. I raised you to believe in yourself, and you have. You’ve stayed true to you and that’s what matters most.”

My mom was seriously the best.

“Here you go,” She slid a plate of pancakes in front of me with a raspberry smiley face on top. “The bus leaves in thirty minutes.”

The kindergarten teacher in her always shone through in her words. She never cursed, was widely versed on all the popular cartoons and most of her phrases, such as the one she just said, revolved around school-related themes.

I, on the other hand, rolled with the glamorous role of a custodian at the same school. The very one which I had attended. Yes, I too can throw a verse but evidently I don’t wander far from the proverbial nest.

A glamorous career?

It was anything but, but it was a job just the same. And one mom helped me get so I’d do my best not to screw it up and make her, or me, look bad. Plus, I got to play with the kids in the afterschool program while we waited for their parents to pick them up. To me that was the best way to end the day.

Still, nothing assuaged the loneliness when I crawled into bed each night and curled up with Bumble.

During the day I mostly worked alone. My supervisor, Mike, was the lead custodian and pretty laid back. We each had our assigned daily tasks to complete, and he trusted me to do them. First thing when I clocked in I grabbed the pinchers which were used to pick up trash, and a bucket. I’m sure they had a technical name, but the pinchers were fun, and I got to work cleaning up the parking lot. As soon as the class bell rang I’d switch to clearing the playgrounds of any debris.

Sigh…I wanted to swing and play on the merry go round so bad, but the grown-ups wouldn’t be happy if I did.Those are for the kids, Mrs. Mackey, my old third grade teacher said the first time she caught me on it.You’re a grown-up, Trevor, act like one.

Mom wasn’t a fan of Mrs. Mackey either. But I still wasn’t allowed to stick my tongue out at her no matter how badly I wanted to. Spent time in the principal’s office for that one as a student. But the urge to do it again was strong.

Can janitors get sent to the principal’s office?

Every day it was the same thing. Get up, go to work, have lunch with mom, clock out, hang out in mom’s classroom during the afterschool program. Go home, have dinner with mom then do it all over again.

My life was a literal version of the movie Groundhog Day, grade school style.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother more than anything in the world and we lived a great life. I had everything I’d ever need. A roof over my head, food in my belly and warm clothes. But was it wrong of me to long for something more? Someone who gets me and my kinks? Someone to hold me? Someone to just…someone.

“What’s the matter, baby boy?” Mom asked.

My lengthy silence during the drive home was anything but normal. Usually, I played DJ and sang along with every song that came on. But today, I wasn’t feeling it. Even Tay-Tay didn’t grab me.

“Did you know what you wanted to be when you were twenty?”

She took her time, carefully organizing her words. Mom wasn’t one to say things she’d regret. Always careful not to break another’s spirit and was never mean, nasty, or rude.

“For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be a mom.”

I sighed, having heard that many times.

“Seriously, Trevor. I remember all the way back to fifth grade when I knew it. I love kids, I always have.”

“Is that why you became a teacher?”

“It is. Let’s pick up dinner on the way home. We can talk more there. How about a kid’s meal?” Mom had a way of turning my moods around and fueling my fast-food toy collection. Plus, nuggies and dippy sauces were a win-win in my book.

“’Kay but it’s my treat tonight and I want two meals.”

“Sounds fair to me.” She winked and pulled into the drive-thru at my favorite place.

I nearly squealed and had to sit on my hands to avoid clapping. Not that mom would shame me for it, but that side of me I still didn’t fully understand so how could I even begin to explain it to her?

So much for thinking that kink app would help me. All it did was get the guys I met up with off and diminish any hope I had of finding myself, let alone my forever.

“Trevor, take the bags to the kitchen while I get changed.”

“Okay, Mom.”

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