Page 104 of Alfie: Part Two

About to have my asshole whacked.

“Oh fuck. Christ!” I laughed at myself.

*waxed

I snickered. I was totally telling West later.

“Ahhh, there we go.” I could finally see my exit up ahead, and I went for it. Dick move—sorry for cutting you off, lady. Yeah, my bad.

I flicked a super-quick glance at the screen and grinned when I saw Kellan’s answer.

That’s not better!

I cracked up. I begged to differ! I’d rather get my asshole waxed than killed!

Finn left the conversation.

“Wait, what?” I dropped my gaze once more, and I?—

Bro, were you supposed to send that to me in private?

“Oh, no, no, no, no…” Holy shit, the first answer hadn’t been from Kellan. That was Colm! “No, no, no, no!”

It’s a bad day for reading comprehension.

“Nooo!” I groaned. Not Liam! Motherfucker!

The driver right behind me honked, and this was officially not my day. I stepped on the gas and flicked ashes out the window, then the whole smoke because, fuck this. I was done. I had to focus.

Oh my God, I couldn’t believe it. And Finn had left the chat!

I laughed and kept groaning, knowing I had a choice to make. Either I joked it off, or I…

I had to joke it off.

I had to double down.

By the time I arrived at my parents’, a lot had happened in the chat. Kellan had dragged Finn back, Colm and Eric had debated whether I was a pain slut, Liam asked if they used hot wax or cold—never mind, Finn had left again. Oh, fuck me. Liam then let us know he was about to piss himself laughing, and Kellan added Finn once more.

I blew out a breath and scratched my head.

Here goes.

Excuse me for wanting to share more about myself. I’ll remember this when I go in for the bleaching next week.

That should do it.

Colm was the first to reply.

What are you bleaching? Your nose hair?

Eric followed.

You don’t know how fast his ass hair grows out, mate.

Then Liam.

We could also bond over football, little brother. That’s an option too.

---