Page 5 of Unlearning

“Now, I can't tell you all what to do, and I’m not really sure what happens when one of us breeds with humans, but there will be a pup out there who, thanks to his gamma blood,” I tilted my head at Brandon's dad, “will probably be a shifter. You cannot let him grow up without knowing what he is, it’s too dangerous both for him and the humans around him. It is also only a matter of time before Brandon slips up and reveals something to the human. I’d suggest forcing him to tell her about us, getting them both jobs with the pack or somewhere nearby, moving them out here, having them raise their pup in the pack, maybe making her sign an NDA or something?” I noticed that everyone was unnaturally still so I looked at them with my empty eyes.

“This is all news to you, but I had some time to think and process. And although he's a shit mate, Brandon doesn't have to be a shit father,” I shrugged. “If you look at the human’s Instagram, you'll see I never had a chance. He made his choice long ago, and now I am making mine. I will leave a letter for him with you, Alpha, and I'll be out of here as soon as possible. My wolf wanted to kill the woman when I saw her in Chicago, and I don't want to give her any more chances.” They all nodded, and Brandon's mother opened her mouth to say something but I only lifted my palm to her to stop her.

“I am barely keeping it together at this point and I would like to leave.”

My parents and I walked home in silence, my dad’s hand occasionally brushing mine as we walked side by side. On the porch, I could see Lainey and Lucas waiting. She had to have hopped on a plane as soon as I’d told her what happened. She hugged me and as soon as I inhaled her comforting scent, I felt some hope that I just might be alright at the end of all this. We all went inside to spend a few more days as a family before I left the Ozarks for good.

THE LETTER

Brandon,

the Alpha and your parents will probably fill you in on how they all came to know about your relationship with Hailey. I am glad that I trusted my gut and in doing so, discovered that my so-called mate has been cheating on me with his girlfriend for the last four years (and probably with randos in the years before that). And yes, it was cheating. You learned I was your mate when you were 18, so everything you did with others after that was a desecration of our bond.

I don't need you or anyone else to tell me that this isn’t my fault. I know it's not, it's yours. You are a weak, faithless, cowardly male, and a liar. You know how they say that mates complement each other, how one has the strengths that the other one needs and so on? Well, you have a lot of things I don't have – the aforementioned weakness, cowardice, and lack of faithfulness being some of them. Another thing you have is a pup, which is the reason I encouraged everyone to accept you three into the pack. I hope your pup will grow up to be a better male and mate than you are. Good luck teaching him about mates, by the way, and explaining to both him and his mother why you are not with yours while simultaneously stressing the importance of the mate bond in a shifter’s life. Wouldn't want to be you in that moment (or any other).

Some older wolves might try convincing both me and you to give into the bond, to trust in fate, to fight for it, or they might try saying that there will be nothing else in our lifetimes that will compare to the intensity of being with your mate.Some will say that you made a mistake, and that everyone makes them. Toyou and to them I will say the following:

-my mate has cheated on me, repeatedly, for years

-he has gotten someone else pregnant

-for years, he's loved, cherished, and traveled with someone who wasn't his mate, and even proposed marriage to her, indicating his intent to spend his whole life with her

-there isn't a single thing in his life left to bespecialfor his mate, while I have saved EVERYTHING for him. If I got pregnant in the course of our mating, our pup wouldn't even be his first one. All that is left is the bite, and at this point, I am glad I don’t have his mark on me. So thank God for that at least.

-A mistake would be getting drunk in a bar, hooking up with someone in a moment of inebriation, and forgetting to wear protection in the process. Four years with someone is not a mistake, it’s a series of deliberate choices thatyoumade and will now have to live with.

As for me, I will now go live my life for me, without waiting for some hypothetical mate to complete it. No more waiting. When I come back to the pack to visit, don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't breathe in my direction. You are nothing to me and I am nothing to you, just some female who smells good.

CHAPTER 4

November 2011

Brandon, age 25

“He's finally asleep,” Hailey whispered as she came down the stairs and I smiled at her from the couch. After setting the baby monitor on the coffee table, she snuggled up to me and I wrapped my arm around her, tracing patterns on her shoulders with my fingertips.

“Are you okay, babe?” she asked softly, knowing that I was always extra tense on Fridays after reviewing the books at the pack-owned gym. What she didn’t know was that the gym manager happened to be my mate's father and that he hated my guts for very good reason. He never missed a chance to let me know just how much. He'd also broken my nose and ribs on several occasions. Thank God for werewolf healing, otherwise Hailey, being the brilliant lawyer that she was, would have sued him for all he has by now.

“I'm fine, love. How was Ben today?” I nuzzled into her neck and kissed the spot where her neck met her shoulder.

“Lilly at daycare says he might be teething since he was kind of cranky today, and he drooled a lot,” she shrugged. “It’s about time if you ask me, he's almost a year old and doesn't have a single tooth!” she laughed. “At this point it's limiting the range of solid foods I can offer him.”

I chuckled, “Well he'll have more teeth than necessary once he shifts,” and I felt her tense lightly before remembering to relax her body and try to laugh as well.

It hadn't been easy on her, this last year. It was a whirlwind. She gave birth to our son, Benjamin Harrison Lane, on November 25. Ten days after that, I came back to the pack, still unsure of what to do about the mess that was my life, only to find out that the decision had already been made for me. My mate was gone. I really needed to stop calling her that. She both was and wasn't my mate, it was a weird feeling. My wolf was surprisingly quiet on the subject, maybe because he was all about our pup from the moment he’d been conceived.

Anyways, Samantha was gone, and I was greeted by my angry Alpha and my disappointed father. They knew everything. I was oddly relieved: the matter was now outside of my hands, mycowardice and indecisiveness no longer a factor in determining the next step of my life. If I was being honest with myself, I was glad Samantha was gone. She was an additional complication I didn't need at this point. Her letter was a knife to the gut, though. She had every right to be angry, and all she said was true. Being called a weak coward by your mate still wasn't easy to read, and my wolf kept whimpering in the back of my mind.

What was I supposed to have done? When I’d found out who my mate was, at 18, it felt weird. She was a 14-year-old child, and she looked it. The feeling of wanting to be near her and inhale her scent just made me feel like a child molester so I got out of there as fast as I could. I figured I'd come back at some point, once she became legal at least. Then college opened my eyes to how humans my age lived – no one expected them to live up to their gamma blood, work for the pack, or get together with some juvenile as soon as possible and start playing house. They partied, hooked up, had fun, so I joined them, and I did so gladly.

Three years into my new life, I’d come to the library to work on a paper, and I saw the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen sitting at one of the tables, chewing on her pencil while reading a journal of some sort. She was sitting in front of a window, and the light behind her made her glow like some sort of ethereal creature. I was insanely attracted to her so I decided to try my luck. I walked up to her and said: “It's a good thing that we're at a library because I'm checking you out”, and she looked up at me,remained silent for a second, and then threw her head back and laughed until she had tears in her eyes.

“I needed that today, thanks,” she said, then looked me up and down and asked, “are you lost? The high school campus is further down the street?” My wolf's hackles were immediately raised, and I made it my mission to get this girl to on a date with me. She saidyesto coffee, and, as she put it, kept sayingyes. She saidyesto living together,yesto marrying me, and finallyyesto leaving her high level position in a Chicago law firm to move to my pack with me.

I fell hard for Hailey. She was unlike any other woman I'd ever met. She was older, more experienced, beautiful, sophisticated, hot, wealthy, witty, crazy smart, successful, driven, and for some reason, she was insanely in love with me. So I tried living up to her love for me. I became a better, more interesting version of myself. I improved in my studies, broadened my horizons, and eventually I felt I’d become worthy of Hailey. And when she’d told me she was pregnant, claiming an antibiotic-related birth control mishap, I was over the moon. So what if I would always have to hide a big part of myself from her? Hailey was worth it, and I was ready to sacrifice for her – even cut ties with my family if necessary. I barely saw them anyway. But then I was summoned to the pack because my graduation was fast approaching and I panicked. I knew I had signed a binding contract, so I went, hoping to find away out of it.

I was sat there in the pack hall, looking at the celebration in my honor and I felt... nothing. I had no loyalty left for the place I grew up in. I had a whole new life now, I was a new man. I regularly went to art exhibits and ethnic restaurants, and couldn't care less for the new meatloaf recipe the pack cooks were trying out in the kitchen today. Just then, I was drowned in the smell of sage flowers, reminiscent of summertime meadows and bees drunk on nectar buzzing around the beautiful purple flowers. Before I could make a conscious decision about what to do, my wolf propelled me forward and I grabbed the beautiful female's face and started kissing her like my life depended on it. I couldn't believe this was Samantha, she was all grown up and so gorgeous. She was vibrant and full of life, I for one brief moment I could really see myself loving her.

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