Page 4 of Unlearning

Hailey baby, clench me harder, yes, ugh

Brandon I'm cumming, Brandon ohhh

Fuck, I love you, he grunted through what I imagine must have been his climax, and in that moment my heart knew that I no longer had a mate. And surprisingly, it also knew that none of it was my fault. It didn’t make me feel any better, but I still hugged that fact tight as I made my way back to the motel.

???

After a restless night full of horrifying nightmares and some more vomiting, over breakfast I decided to look up Hailey on social media, and, of course, regretted that decision immediately. Brandon didn’t seem to have a profile, but her and all of her friends were super active. I was able to reconstruct their entire relationship going back 4 years. Hailey loved writing cheesy and long captions, which I was oddly grateful for, since it enabled me to drive the knife deeper into my own gut. I'd always loved reading romance novels with strong gut punches but now life seemed to have written me my own. Yay! Every word was like a whip to my back, and yet I kept going back for more. What was wrong with me?

“My love, today is the first anniversary of that day when you saw me at the library and decided to come up to me with a pick up line that will stay between us ;) I said yes to coffee that day and I just kept saying yes to you. I've never regretted a single one of them. Being with you feels like coming home, I love you so much Brandon.”

“Hiking in Starved Rock State Park for my baby's birthday! And a special picnic for the birthday boy with the most special dessert ;) I love you baby, many happy returns.”

“Brandon surprised me with a trip to Puerto Rico for my birthday! Two beach bunnies escaping the cold. I have the best boyfriend in the world <3”

“Anniversary dinner at Brandon's favorite Italian place. Next year we should go to Italy for real lol, I love you B.”

“Moving day! Now my shirts will live with your shirts forever <3”

“Three years of love, devotion, living together, traveling, highs and lows. There is no one else I would rather do this life with. You are my soul mate Brandon, my heart is forever yours. I said YES!!!! Mrs. Lane <3”

That one actually made me push my breakfast away. They'd already ruined potato chips for me, I'd be damned if I let them ruin eggs as well. What had gotten to me wasn't the diamond on her finger, as impressive as it was. It was Hailey calling themsoul mates, without actually knowing what she was talking about. Did Brandon agree with her? Did he truly feel she was his other half? How could he, knowing what we knew as wolves? The more I stalked her Instagram, the more it seemed that I was the who didn't know what she was talking about.

I soon got to the posts showing the sonogram, the gender reveal, and the maternity shoot they did. I saw my mate lovingly holding his pregnant fiancée, and suddenly I felt ashamed at how I had thrown myself at him that night in pack house. I felt like a homewrecker for approaching my own mate, how insanewas that? Even while bitterly looking at their photos I felt like I was intruding on a family space that had no spot available for me. There they were, a ready-made family with a mommy, a daddy, and a pup. There was no coming back from this. What the fuck was Brandon thinking? There was no scenario in which he and I could play house and be mated, no matter what our wolves thought and no matter what our families and pack thought.

How could I, even for a moment, believe that Brandon was mine after everything I’d learned? He was just some male who smelled good. A male with a pup and a human fiancée and a favorite Italian restaurant. A man who took his girlfriend to Puerto Rico, but gave his mate his cold, limp hand to hold for appearances’ sake.If he wanted to, he would, my mind whispered a line I’d often heard the human girls from my high school repeating to each other with one eyebrow raised. My heart and soul and wolf seemed to have accepted our defeat and given up hope. It was for the best. I just wanted to see her one more time. My wolf wanted to see who took what was supposed to be hers, and since she wouldn’t get anything else in this life, I would at least let her have that.

CHAPTER 3

On the drive back, I had six hours to think (and get angry) about a lot of unpleasant things: Hailey and Brandon, their love, my mate bond, my future, my silly naive past self, and finally, the years I'd spent putting my life on hold because I was waiting forhimto start living. I really couldn’t blame him for the last one. No one had ever told me to do that, I just... With my people-pleasing mindset, I’d simply been trying to please a male I hadn't even met yet. I’d saved my love, my heart, my body, and all of my experiences for him, because I’d wanted him to be happy. I hadn’t devoted much time to contemplating whether he would reciprocate these efforts. I’d truly worried more about making him happy than about my own happiness.

Most of my actions were motivated by what teenage Samantha had imagined a stereotypical male might want and like, so I had done my best to be chaste and nice and kind and I’d lived a small life in a small pack, never dreaming of anything more. God forbid I should meet my mate and have to stay somewhere apart from him for a while in order to finish college. That had the potential to be inconvenient for this hypothetical person, so like a good little female, I’d removed the potential issue altogether.

How stupid was I? Spoiler alert: very. I’d spent years putting a hypothetical person before myself. I was also pretty insecure – I didn't really believe I was capable of much more than finishing high school and coasting along at some boring minimum wage job. I don't know why I thought this way. My parents were strong, encouraging wolves and my sister was a badass future doctor, but I always made myself smaller, and something always held me back.

Well, look how that turned out. I sent mom a quick voice message asking her to schedule a meeting with the Alpha and Brandon's parents. I had to do this. I'd thought it through a hundred different ways, and there was no way for me to be happy in this bond. The thought of Brandon touching me after what I’d heard made my skin crawl. There was also the pup to consider. I’d either have to occasionally see thewomanwithout killing her, or be a permanent step-mother to the pup my mate made with someone else.I wouldn’t be the mother of Brandon’s first-born.The thought hit me in the solar plexus so hard that I had to abruptly pull over. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel and tried breathing through what felt like a heart attack.My first pup would not be my mate’s first pup.The blaring of the car horn of the startled driver who’d been behind me was able snap me out of it.

When I finally arrived at the Alpha's office, they were all already there – mom, dad, my would-be in-laws, Alpha Tom and Luna Melanie. They greeted me warmly and the poor Luna even had a twinkle in her eye as she glanced at my neck, she probablythought they were here because I had some exciting news to share. I took a deep breath and, before the courage left me, started explaining:

“I know you're all wondering why I've asked you here. Please let me say what I have to say without interrupting, it’s the only way I can get it all out. I haven't been completely honest with you all about Brandon,” I said without really looking at any of them directly, although I felt my father’s impatient gaze on my face.

“After we discovered we were mates, he was acting really cold, distant, and, for lack of a better word, suspicious. He was avoiding getting too physical with me. Not at all like what my friends described meeting your mate was like,” I added and saw his mother frowning in my peripheral vision so I turned my head away more.

“That night, I accidentally looked at his phone screen and saw that his screensaver was a photo of him hugging a woman and looking at her like... like... I don't know, like he loves her”, I managed to choke out without sobbing while peeling off some of the cracked nail polish from my nails. “So I asked Luna Melanie to give me his address in Chicago so I could surprise him, and I'm sorry Luna, but what I really wanted was to prove to myself that my suspicions were unfounded. I really hoped they were.“ The Luna nodded solemnly, smart enough to see where this was going. Now it was time for the difficult part. I'd had countless hours of crying in the motel in Chicago, and I’d also spent the six hours driving down alternating between crying and rehearsingwhat to say. I hoped I could say what needed to be said without breaking down.

“What I found at the address was Brandon living with a human woman who is pregnant with his pup.”

Someone gasped, and I didn’t even care who it was. I kept my eyes trained on a spot on the carpet. It was one of those carpets with swirling patterns and the more I looked, the more it turned into some Rorschach-test-type stain that I couldn’t help but think resembled a sonogram.

“Her name is Hailey Wilson, they've been together for 4 years. She is 30. He proposed to her last year, and they are engaged to be married. She is 35 weeks pregnant, and humans typically give birth at 40 weeks. The pup is male. I've seen them together and I've heard them having sex,” I recited the facts mechanically. “I will write down her Instagram handle so you can see their relationship for yourselves, it's quite sweet if you're not Brandon's mate.”

His father growled and he seemed furious, and a part of me appreciated the outrage on my behalf even though I knew that, as soon as the pup got here, his parents' wolves would be protective of it and deliriously happy to be grandparents. I couldn’t blame them. They owed me no loyalty. I was also kind of numb at this point, completely detached from what was happening around me. I just wanted to get this over with.

I took another deep breath.

“I don't want to be Brandon's mate anymore. I don't see a future with him in which I can forget what I've seen and heard and learned. He cheated on me. And he's been cheating on me for the past four years, since he had to have known I was his mate since he turned 18. He also has a pup with someone else. I have no idea what he had planned on doing, since he starts work here next month, and he claimed he wanted to have a mating ceremony with me,” I frowned at the memory of his slimy lies.

“What I will do is quit my job at the cafe and apply for transfer to my aunt's pack in California. I hope you will approve it, Alpha Tom”, I looked at him and he nodded sadly, “maybe I'll go to college or something, I have a lot to figure out.”

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