Page 26 of The Program

I began lifting the others up, my anxiety over Libby being left down there alone as the last to arrive may have caused me to behave a little tersely towards the rest. I immediately felt better as soon as she was up and safe in my sight. Idetestedleaving her for any reason.

I was well aware that my anxiety over Libby stemmed from my guilt over leaving her behind once before, as well as how long it took to find my way back to her. She told me countless times this past solar that I shouldn’t feel bad over it. If I hadn’t left her then Baldr may never have been born, nor would we all be fighting for ourselves in the wilds of whatever planet we were currently occupying.

But there were only so many times I could tell myself it was worth it in the end before the shame and the guilt overwhelmed me again. It should have been thebothof us against the world, and I had broken that promise once.

Never again.

I didn’t want to be so clingy that I smothered her completely, however, so I tried my best to temper my unease as much as I could. She hated the way I hovered even if she did feel a sense of safety from it, but she would have to deal with it. At least to a certain extent. I didn’t want to cling so hard I ended up pushing her away, but I needed to keep her within my sights for my own peace of mind just as much as I knew she needed the same from me.

I had no clue how I was going to manage leaving her behind to rescue the kids, but it had to be done. Baldr was the only reason I would ever leave her now, but finding my way back to her once had given me enough confidence that I could – andwould –do it however many times I needed to.

Once the fire was simmering nicely inside the cave, Blondie rejoined us. She took one look at the leafy bowls of water, glanced back towards the fire, her brows furrowed. ‘You said we had to boil it, right?’ she asked.

‘Yes, we need to boil anything out of it that could be potentially harmful towards Karmella or the baby. The heat will kill off any harmful bacteria or parasites squirming around in there.’

‘Why didn’t we do that for the water we drank in the forest?’ she asked, Karmella’s grunts and screams almost drowning out her question as yet another contraction took its toll.

‘That was rainwater. Anything harmful would have been left behind when the water evaporated. Drinking from puddles in the leaves was the safest way to stay hydrated until we found a more consistent water source.’

She dipped her chin to show her understanding, but her brows remained furrowed which told me she had a different question that asking her previousone hadn’t answered. ‘How are we going to boil it? Won’t the leaves just burn and we’ll lose the water?’

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. She had a point. I hadn’t thought of what to boil it in yet. ‘Good question. We’ll need something that can withstand the heat of the fire.’

‘Like a bowl made from rock?’ asked Libby, drawing our attention to her. I grinned at her when I noticed just that cradled in her hands. It was large and mostly flat, but one side was a little more concave. Enough to contain a significant portion of the water. We would have to boil in batches, but it could be done.

‘Exactly like that,’ I said, taking it from her. I cupped a small amount of the water in my hands and dribbled it over the makeshift bowl, then used my hands to wipe it clean of debris. I inspected it for a moment before taking it over to the fire, arranging some rocks to rest it on and placing it over the flames. By the sound of Karmella’s labour’s astonishingly fast progression we were out of time and it would have to do.

Just as Libby and I were pouring the water to boil, Karmella let out a particularly panicked scream.‘It burns!Why is itburning?’she screeched.

Then her partner, who was in between her legs to get a closer look at what was happening, called out, her voice high-pitched from distress. ‘The baby’s crowning! I can see its head!’

I froze, my task forgotten as I watched in both awe and horror as a new life was brought into this world. It took quite a few clicks for Karmella to push, and there was gore everywhere, but soon enough the cries of a newborn baby filled the air, echoing back from the cave as if there were more than one.

‘It’s a little girl,’ someone said as the child was place on Karmella’s chest. Her arms came up to hold her, and her screams became whimpers until all of a sudden they quieted down. It took my brain a moment to process what I’d just witnessed before I realised Karmella had stripped bare and her new daughter was feeding from her breasts.

A sting in my eyes was followed by the blur of tears and a hitch in my breath. That was the most incredible thing I had ever witnessed. And now, watching as a new mother took to her role, the whole event was bittersweet.

All those solars spent inside The Program my dream had been to be free, to find love, and to have children of my own. To live a normal life filled withlove and happiness, and to cherish those moments with a family I had built with my own body… It was a beautiful thing to watch someone else achieve a part of that dream, but it was like being simultaneously stabbed in the heartandthe gut to witness that dream being fulfilled with the knowledge it would never be mine.

Libby, sensing my warring emotions, placed her hand in mine. It was all that was necessary to pull me back from the brink of a breakdown. I had Libby, and I would bring back Baldr. They were all the family I could ever need.

Now if only I could stop thinking about the people still back on Nova Station that also felt like family.

CHAPTER 10

ADARA

Iusually woke up feeling well-rested and ready to start the day, even if it took a click or two for my brain to start properly functioning. Brain fog wasn’t exactly a new thing for me, but what I was experiencing now was like trying to push through a strong current attempting to sweep me up into its imprisoning embrace.

My limbs felt heavy, my eyes refused to open, my chest felt like something was sitting on it and my lungs were struggling to take in air. And despite my eyes remaining closed my head swam with a dizziness I had only ever experienced while black-out drunk. I didn’t particularly enjoy the sensation, especially with the way it made my stomach churn enough to taste the bile that tried to rise up my throat. I hated feeling sick, which was why I didn’t drink. And when I did, I kept it light and fun, stopping well before my limit.

So I wasn’t drunk, but that didn’t help provide an explanation for my current plight. Had I been drugged?

I tried to think back to what I was doing before I went to sleep, but I was drawing up a blank. It was as if my memory had been wiped. The last thing I remembered was heading into Reece’s trial because Xander wasn’t going to make it in time…

Oh, fuck.

Fuck, fuck,fuck…

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