Page 11 of Savage Hope

P x

Dear Diary,

HE. ASKED. ME.

It was awkward. I gaped at him for a solid five minutes before I remembered to speak. He had a weird grin on his face, a smolder. S insists it has something to do with his eyes too, but I didn’t pay enough attention.

I was ready to say no, I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea, but the thought of the extra hour…changed my mind. His birthday is tomorrow, so at least I’ve got tonight to prepare myself.

S says he’s going to want to kiss me, maybe even more, but that’s ridiculous. I’ve heard the stories. I’ve seen couples kissing on the playground, and it makes my nose crinkle in disgust every time.

Get. A. Room. Losers.

None of that is for me.

No thanks.

P x

Dear Diary,

He kissed me.

K.I.S.S.

And I think I kissed him back?

Dammit.

The control I insisted I had was gone. It was nice, I guess? I’m not desperate to do it again, but it did things to my body. Things I’m not ready to talk about.

I’m more mad that I have to admit that S was right. She always is.

I just hope he doesn’t think we’re doing that on the playground tomorrow too.

Although…maybe…

P x

Dear Diary,

I just…I don’t know what just happened.

I was heading back from the shower block as always, but instead of Mrs. Stephens guiding us today, it was Mr. Deakin, who usually handles the year below us.

He ignored us for the most part, which is fine by me. Although, he doesn’t seem to sneer at everyone like Mrs. Stephens does.

Anyways, none of that matters, what matters is what I saw…or what I think I saw on the way back.

I don’t even know what to say or how to say it.

Dammit.

She… I… Well…

On the way back, we were walking past Mrs. Stephens classroom. Mr. Deakin told us to wait against the far wall while he spoke to her. He was taking ages, and I mean ages, and I was starting to get cold, so I… well… I gave up waiting, but I didn’t leave altogether, I’m not dumb, I just… went to knock on the classroom door, which was open I might add, but before I could hit the wood with my fist, my gaze locked with Mrs. Stephens at the other end of the classroom… and… well…

She snarled at me, told me to get back in line. Which is fine, really, she’s said worse, but it’s the way she flicked her hand almost dismissively. I jumped back a step, but more because a second later the classroom door was swinging in my direction.

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