Page 80 of The Hardest Part

“Oh, Billy, I know what you’re feeling.” Her voice cracking, she rubbed his back while he wept. “And I know sorry doesn’t help much, but I am.”

He couldn’t say how long they stayed like that. But his eyes burned. Billy opened them to see Tanner, Kellan, and Jake right there behind her. Fitting, since the five of them were all in the same fucked up club.

“It’s all my fault.”

Arien lifted his chin. “What’s your fault, babe?”

“That she’s dead.”

Jake must’ve told them what he said.

Justin sat him on the sofa. His brother poured a glass of whiskey and put it in his hand.

Billy chanced a glance at his father as he swallowed it, but he didn’t say a word.

Not at first, anyway.

“Talk to me, son.” He sounded broken. “Tell me what’s goin’ on in your head?”

“I broke the rules.” Billy finished the whiskey and set down the glass. “Mama died because of me. It’s my punishment.”

“Is that what you think?” Cocking his head, Victor scoffed. “Just because you kissed Emily before your birthday that the earth took your mother?”

“I did more than kiss her.”

“I don’t care if you fucked her.”

“Victor.” With a hand on his thigh, Justin calmed him.

“Billy, I want you to listen to me.” His father sat beside him and held onto his shoulders. “Her death was not a consequence of anything you might’ve done.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that.” Insistent, he raised his voice and then softened it. “We discovered the aneurysm on her CT scan when she had the stroke, but unfortunately, because of its location, surgical repair wasn’t an option.” He glanced over at Justin. “All we could do was try to keep her pressure down and hope…”

“Are you saying you knew there was a ticking time bomb in her head?”

His eyes filling, he nodded. “Yes.”

“Did she?”

And he shook his head. “No, son.”

“She didn’t need to know.” Justin confirmed he knew all along, too. “What good would it have done?”

The fuck?

He wasn’t sure how to feel besides sad. Relieved that he wasn’t cursed? Pissed they kept it from him? Would he have done anything differently had he known?

“Everything you’re feeling is normal, Billy.” Justin put his arms around him. “You and your brother just lost the woman who loved you even before you were born. Your father lost his wife. I lost my sister. We’re all second-guessing ourselves here. What if I had done this or hadn’t done that? I should have said this…I shouldn’t have gotten angry. The shit just keeps running through your head. Believe me, I know.”

“It’s called grieving, son.” His dad had one arm around him and Justin, and the other around Jake. “She loved the two of you more than anything in this world. Even me. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. Now, it’s your turn to pass that love on to Emily and your children, so that one day, they can do the same.”

“It’s true, you know,” Justin said, his head resting on Billy’s shoulder.

“What is?”

“Love is timeless, and it’s forever.” His fingers slipped into his father’s hair. “It truly never dies.”

---