Page 50 of Hush 3: Hidden Family

What if he sees through me and knows what I’ve been up to? Will I lose him forever this time because he figures it all out and he doesn’t want me the same? What if my best isn’t enough?

“Oh, Sim, love, look at me,” Annabella coos. “It’s all right. You don’t have to tell him. It’s fine.”

I look around me and realize I’ve spiraled into a meltdown. I’m sitting on the floor with my head between my knees as I rock and whimper. I’ve even started to twist one of my locs and can feel it tightening against my scalp.

If I keep twisting it like this, it will snap. I dart my gaze around, trying to find something to focus on. Annabella climbs behind me and cradles me between her legs as she wraps her arms around me.

I sag into her tight embrace and try to focus. My eyes finally find a crack in the tape in the corner of the wall. I keep my gaze there and begin to count in my head.

Annabella leans into my ear and begins to whisper. “You’ve got this. Breathe; you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.

“Don’t listen to me. I don’t even have a relationship. What do I know about a husband?

“You be you. That’s why he’s here. He wants to spend time with you,” she says soothingly as she hugs me supertight.

“I’m being ridiculous. He will never return my feelings. I shouldn’t try to get his attention. I am being foolish.”

“I don’t think you realize how much my brother loves you. Everything he does is for you. Your happiness is the most important thing to him. Did you know he was the one to ask me to find Dr. Gideon for you?

“You are always on his mind. I think he feels the same way you do. I’m not saying this to overwhelm you. I just want you to know you can relax and be yourself,” she says and kisses the back of my head.

I hear her words, but I don’t think they fully sink in. I’m too focused on calming my anxiety. Slowly, I begin to relax.

I hate that Michael is finally here and I’m having a bad day. It’s been so long since I’ve had a bad day. Dancing and playing have made bad days all but non-existent.

When that doesn’t work, I train. Exhausting my body calms all the noise. It stills the anxiety.

Right now, I either need to dance, play, or throw knives. Anything to ease my thoughts. I’m so afraid Michael will see me.

All this time, he was right. His being in Italy is for the best. There, he can’t find out that I’ve started a hit-for-hire business. There, he can’t see how much I’ve fallen in love with him.

“I need to play,” I breathe.

“Will you allow me to do your makeup first? Can you handle that?”

“I like the sticky feeling of the lip gloss and popping my lips. I will allow you to place gloss on my lips. Maybe some mascara. I am not able to handle more than that. Not right now.”

“That is more than enough. I am here for you, Sim. Talk to me whenever you need.”

“Thank you, Annabella. I would like for you to keep my secret. Michael doesn’t need to know how I feel. Please don’t tell him.”

“Oh, Sim. I would never embarrass you like that. Although I do believe the feeling is mutual. I will allow you both to figure it out on your own,” she coos and gives me one more squeeze.

“Thank you.”

Michael

I turn my gaze from glaring at Adriano. He’s been sitting on a stool in the corner as Symphony plays the piano. Of course, I gifted her another when she moved here to Boston.

I had this one custom-made for her. There is even an engraving under the right side, but I’m not sure if she’s aware of it. I guess I have been in love with her for way longer than I’ve allowed myself to admit.

The engraving says,To my love. Play to your soul’s content.

Someday, I will tell her where to find the words. Someday when I’m sure she can handle the weight of them.

However, today isn’t that day. There’s been something in the air with Adriano since he found me here. I didn’t miss his shock or the scowl that followed.

I also didn’t miss the look in his eyes when I hugged Sim as she returned from her shower. It was a mixture of lust and jealousy. I understand the look of lust.

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