Page 19 of By the Letter

Yesterday, I’d found Mary huddled on my front porch after one of Francesca’s lootings. She’d claimed letting Mary out had been an accident, but my girl was an indoor cat, and I really doubted she wanted to be anywhere other than her comfy living room. Needless to say, Mary wasn’t a fan of Francesca either.

I’d let most of the things Francesca had done and said during the time I’d known her go, but I couldn’t allow my dislike of confrontation to risk the safety of my cat.

As always, Francesca had been flippant and dismissive.

And Roman had walked in on me looking like the bad guy, which would have been laughable if it weren’t so terribly sad.Frank had made a lot of questionable decisions during the waning years of his life, setting up his daughter and I to be adversaries, being one of the worst. Now, Roman could be added to that list. He thought I was some treacherous floozy who’d taken Frank for a ride, and it couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

I sighed, resting my hand on my abdomen. I wished things were different, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it now.

I couldn’t get Roman’s look of concern out of my mind, though. Despite everything he thought he knew about me, he’d taken one look at me today and pressed about my health. Maybe he didn’t want me getting him or anyone else sick, but my heart said it had been more than that—that Ben had been right about his brother, and beneath his inaccurate assumptions, he was a good guy.

Maybe I should have explained things to him so we could come to an understanding. I could tell him about the letters, how things had been with Frank, the promises I’d made him when he was sick…

Maybe.

That would have to come later. Concentrating on the bean growing in me was the most important thing right now.

Clara’s ob-gyn wasn’t taking new patients, but she’d pulled strings and gotten me in for an appointment two weeks after my positive pregnancy test. I had my own doctor, of course, but Clara’s was the best in Denver. Since I only had lukewarm feelings about mine, I’d been more than happy to make the switch.

Bea and Clara crowded around me in the ultrasound room as Dr. Sharma slid the wand inside me. My friends had decided thispregnancy was a team effort. Both had accompanied me without question—something I was grateful for since I hadn’t wanted to ask—and were excited to be there. Even Bea, who claimed to be allergic to all things baby and children.

With a couple clicks, the whoosh of a heartbeat filled the room, and my own heart stuttered.

“That’s it,” Clara whispered.

“Is that…the baby?” Bea leaned forward to get a better look at the screen. It was all fuzzy and gray, but the sound was unmistakable.

“It is. A nice, strong heartbeat,” Dr. Sharma answered. “Let’s take a look—see how the baby’s doing.”

She moved the wand inside me, and the scene on the screen changed. Amid all the gray was a dark circle, and within it, a bouncy, gummy-bear-shaped baby.

Big head, round body, little poky arms and legs. My baby. This was really happening. My body held a little life inside it, and soon—probably sooner than I imagined—I’d be holding that little life in my arms. Instead of feeling panic at the reality of the situation, a gentle sense of rightness settled over me as fresh, clean happiness bloomed in my chest.

Bea gasped. “Oh my god! It’s so cute! It really is like a gummy bear.”

I laughed, tears rolling freely down my cheeks. “I was just thinking that.”

Dr. Sharma clicked a few things on her computer and took what felt like an excessive number of measurements. Then she printed off pictures, making copies for Clara and Bea as well.

“You’re measuring right where you should be according to your last period. Eleven weeks and two days.” Dr. Sharma removed the wand and helped me sit up, keeping the paper blanket covering my lap in place.

I turned to my friends, sitting side by side. Bea with a funny, dreamy expression, and Clara crying, I thought to myself I wasn’t missing anything by not having Wim here with me. No one could possibly be as excited for me as my best friends were. Though a very small part of me wished Wim had at least replied to my message, even if it was just to say “good luck,” this moment only cemented my decision to move forward with the pregnancy

Dr. Sharma wheeled her stool in front of me, a tablet resting on her crossed legs. “How are you feeling, my dear?”

“Happy,” I rasped, my throat thick with emotion. “So happy.”

She smiled warmly and let out a small chuckle. “That’s always good. I was referring more to your health, though. You’ve been nauseous?”

“Oh.” Laughing, I put my hand to my flushed cheek. Of course that was what she’d been asking. “Yes. I haven’t been feeling the greatest, and eating a full meal is a real test. Most of the time, it doesn’t stay down.”

“Hmm. We’ll keep an eye on that. If needed, I can prescribe you medication to help. For now, I advise you eat small meals throughout the day.”

The doctor went over what to expect for my future appointments and answered my, Bea's, and Clara’s questions with the patience of a saint. By the time we were leaving, I understood why she had been voted the best ob-gyn in Denver. I was more than pleased Clara had used her influence to get me in with her.

On our elevator ride down to the lobby, my stomach went haywire. As soon as the doors slid open, I ran to the restroom. Clara and Bea were hot on my heels, taking care of me as I knelt on the bathroom floor, heaving uncontrollably. The tears rolling down my cheeks now were for an entirely different reason.

As happy as I was to be having this baby, I’d never felt so depleted and weak. I had high hopes my nausea would settle once I hit the second trimester, but dealing with this for another day, let alone two or three more weeks, made me want to curl up in my bed and not leave it.

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