Page 15 of By the Letter

It sounded awful when I said it like that, but neither of my friends seemed to be judging me. I mean, I hadn’t expected Bea to even blink when I told her, but Clara was more conservative and had been married for a long time before Jake. I should haveknown she would have been staunchly by my side, though. It was who she was.

“That’s okay,” Clara said. “We can find that out if we need to.”

“Do we need to?” Bea asked softly.

I lifted my head, glancing between her and Clara, and nodded. If Frank were alive, this wouldn’t have been a possibility. At nineteen, too young to really comprehend the impact of the decision, I’d accepted I’d most likely not have children. But Frank had been gone for over a year, and here I was, on the brink of having something I’d denied myself. The circumstances weren’t perfect by any means. A partner to share this with would have been ideal, but since the idea of dating sent shivers down my spine, that wasn’t going to happen.

So, here I was, pregnant, with more money in the bank than I ever could have dreamed and a support system I was confident wouldn’t let me down. No partner, but life wasn’t perfect, and if I didn’t embrace this now, later might be too late.

“I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and I don’t know if I’ll have another chance. This seems…well, I don’t believe in fate, but this situation feels like it was meant to be.” I pressed a hand to my abdomen and sighed. “This is my baby.”

Clara kissed the side of my head. “You’re going to be an incredible mother, Shir. I don’t know anyone with a bigger heart than you.”

Bea nodded. “If I could pick my mom, I’d pick you.”

I laughed. “Thanks. That makes me feel really good. I think I’ll do an all right job. My mom was the best a kid could have asked for. I wish she were here, but she taught me well.”

That last part, I had to whisper around the knot in my throat. It had been a long time since I’d lost my mom, but right about now, I wanted nothing more than to curl up in her arms and fall asleep to her stroking my hair like she used to.

As if reading my mind, Clara’s fingers slid through the back of my hair, dragging from my scalp to the ends. The slow, steady movement relaxed me. I leaned into her, my head on her shoulder.

“So…can I ask if he was hot?”

I snickered. Leave it to Bea to ask the pertinent questions.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “His body was out of this world, but he kept his face covered, and so did I. It was really,reallyanonymous.”

“Whoa.” Her brows popped. “You could pass this man on the street and have no idea.”

“Right.” I rubbed my lips together. “He said he would leave his information with management so I could contact him if, and I quote, ‘the worst happened.’”

“Are you going to?” Clara smoothed her hand down my back. “Realistically, you don’t have to tell him. He’d never know, and you’d never have to worry about potentially sharing custody with a stranger.”

Another shot of panic hit me square in the chest. I’d just accepted this pregnancy, so the thought of giving up any part of this bean made my stomach lurch. Except I didn’t have any family to speak of, and it wouldn’t be fair to deny this child the chance to have as many people to love them as possible.

Bea bumped my shoulder. “It’ll be okay if you tell him. If he turns out to be a dickhead, I know people…”

I snorted a laugh. “I can’t become a mother and a murderer in one year. It’s too much.”

Bea patted my head. “I wouldn’t even tell you it was happening. One day, he’d be here, and the next, he’d simply be gone. Poof.”

“How do you know hitmen?” Clara asked, her lips curled in amusement.

“I like to talk to people. Sometimes they’re hitmen. It’s a crapshoot.” Bea batted her long lashes. The crazy thing was I couldn’t tell if she was serious or making a joke. With Bea, both were equally possible.

I took a deep breath and released it. “I’ll tell him. We talked, you know, before, and he seemed decent. Anyway, it’s only fair. I am choosing to go through with this pregnancy, so he should be allowed to choose if he wants to parent or not.” I looked at my friends, unsure despite my conviction. I wasn’t even certain Icouldtell him since he’d deleted his account after our night together. But I had to try… “Right?”

“If that’s what you want, honey,” Clara said. “It’s your decision. I’m here, no matter what.”

“Me too. I need to be Aunt Bea, though, okay? Nellie just laughed when I told her to call me that. Your sweetheart is my last hope.”

Tears pricked my eyes, and my nose stung. “Oh no.”

Bea’s eyes went wide. “I don’t have to be Aunt Bea if it upsets you. Oh god, Clara, what did I do?”

I shook my head as the first tear fell. “No, I love Aunt Bea.” I fanned my face, trying to dry up the silly, unnecessary tears. “I think it’s the hormones. You two are being so incredible. I’ve been so scared and feeling like crap all by myself. I just got a little overwhelmed with relief and gratitude.”

Bea huffed like she was annoyed then wrapped me in the tightest hug. “God, you’re sweet, Shir. You aren’t by yourself. Not anymore.”

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