Page 41 of By the Letter

“Probably. We have time, though.”

“We’ll make it a priority, Shira,” he declared decisively, frowning at me. It wasn’t quite an angry expression, but he didn’t seem especially happy. Then again, as we’d just covered, I barely knew this man and couldn’t presume to read him.

So, I agreed, even though I didn’t quite understand what I was agreeing to.

Chapter Fifteen

Roman

It was no wonderDr. Sharma had been voted the best in the city. She had a calm, self-assuredness that immediately put me at ease. Even better, Shira appeared comfortable with her, smiling and answering questions willingly.

I’d done a lot of reading and had come into this appointment with an idea of what to expect. For the most part, there were no surprises, yet all of it took me off guard. There was a vast difference between reading about a pregnancy in theory and being a part of the reality.

From my chair in the corner, I listened to Shira and Dr. Sharma talk about how she was feeling. Then Shira laid down and the doctor measured the height of her uterus, assuring us both everything was moving along as it should. All normal andexpected, but with each passing moment, my blood heated to an intense level, becoming loud inside my ears, pumping through my body like raging rapids. My fingers flexed on my knees, and it took a concerted effort not to grind my molars.

I had accepted this was happening about a minute after I became aware of it, but the realness was slamming into me hard and fast. In a few short months, I would have a child. I’d be a dad. That was a massive mindfuck, and I had no one to talk to about it with. My brothers were my closest friends, but none were anywhere near parenthood and wouldn’t come close to understanding.

In a perfect world, I’d discuss these things with the person going through them with me, but I doubted Shira wanted to hear about my momentary panic after my treatment of her. Not to mention, she was the one carrying my child and had been sick as a dog for months. I doubted she’d feel too sympathetic toward me. Rightly so.

Dr. Sharma wheeled her stool to the side to catch my eye. “Normally, at this appointment, we use the Doppler to check the heartbeat, but since you missed out on seeing the ultrasound last time, I thought we could take a quick peek. Are you up for it, Dad?”

Holy hell.

My fingertips dug hard into my thighs as I nodded. “That would be incredible.”

I pushed up on shaky legs to stand beside Shira. She shot me a smile before biting into her bottom lip. Was she nervous about the ultrasound, or was I making her feel that way?

If Ben were here, he would have asked her, but I had more respect for people’s private thoughts. That wasn’t to say I would have objected too much if he’d charmed an answer from her.

When Dr. Sharma brought the small wand to Shira’s stomach, I followed it with my eyes, taking in the shape of her abdomen.An outsider wouldn’t have known she was pregnant, but I saw the faintest curve below her belly button that hadn’t been there before.

Then the surrealness of this situation multiplied by a thousand. Dr. Sharma showed us our bouncing, wiggling, kicking baby. It had grown so much since Shira’s last scan, now less gummy bear and more human-shaped.

The doctor did some measurements and clicked her tongue. “You’re measuring a little bit ahead, but nothing to be alarmed about.” She flicked her gaze to me then smiled at Shira. “Now that I’ve seen the father, I can see why that might be the case.”

“Maybe this baby will have a chance at being average height thanks to Roman’s DNA,” Shira joked.

“I suspect above average.” Dr. Sharma moved the wand to the side of Shira’s abdomen and paused. “Were you planning on finding out the sex?”

Shira turned to me. “I was thinking yes. What about you?”

“Whatever you want,” I replied. And I meant it. There were only two options, and I didn’t have a preference.

“We’ll be finding out,” Shira told her doctor. “It might take us the rest of my pregnancy to agree on a name.”

The doctor chuckled and clicked a few things on the machine. “I don’t typically make sex pronouncements at this gestational age, but you have a little exhibitionist on your hands. I can tell you if you’re ready.”

My heart stopped beating. Just like that, it had forgotten it was required to do its job in order for me to survive. Speaking was out of the question, but I managed to force my head to loll in an obscene semblance of a nod.

“Yes, please,” Shira whispered.

On instinct, my hand moved to wrap around hers. After a beat, her fingers curled into mine. The way we got here might’ve beennontraditional, but holding her hand while finding this out felt right.

The doctor zoomed in on the still image and pointed out a darker area with a smirk. “That is, undoubtedly, a penis. Congrats, parents, you’re having a boy.”

A breath burst out of Shira, followed by a soft giggle. “A boy. Whoa.” She looked up at me. Her eyes were the opposite of haunted now, shining with life and light. “A boy, Roman.”

A boy. I hope he has his mother’s eyes. He’d be lucky if he did.

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