He stood and squared his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I’m not a stalker, I swear…”
“How did you find me?” I asked, realizing in the next heartbeat that it was a useless, least important question. The real question waswhyhe had found me. Had Richie gotten impatient? Had he spilled my beans to the family?
Percy’s brow creased with concern, shoulders sagging. “I…doubled your security.”
“My security?” I balked.
“When you told me about the man looking for you. I had my guys here watch out,” Percy said.
The thought of having been followed for hours sent chills down my spine. “I never saw anyone.”
Percy bit his lower lip guiltily. “You weren’t supposed to. They’re unobtrusive. Finn, listen…”
“No,” I said. “Hold on.” I took the key from my pocket and unlocked the door. If Percy could have people watching without me ever noticing, anyone could. “In here,” I said and led Percy into my tiny room, shutting the door and pushing the bolt through with a firm swipe of my hand. “I didn’t expect to see you.”
After a moment of silence, he said, “I didn’t expect you to go away like that.” His voice was sore and his emotion was almost too raw. He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together tightly, then relaxed a little and drew a shaky breath of air in. “I’m sorry, Finn. I should have known better and I take full responsibility. I do.” He straightened his back bravely, leaving me speechless and stunned. What was he…? “It was thoughtless and there’s no excuse. The best I can offer is that I didn’t know better at the time I invited my ex. I didn’t know you would be my ally, my friend, my…I didn’t know you would be so…wonderful.”
“Percy, that’s not…”
His face showed a sense of urgency, as if he had spent a great deal of time preparing what he would say. “He means nothing to me, Finn. A friend, yes, but I have no other feelings for Richie. It’s true. I once thought we were going to end up together. It was a natural progression. We’d gone from friends to lovers, from broke to rich. We had shared experiences which I mistook for serious feelings. I know now that the two are nothing alike.” He paused, letting those words settle and I fought hard against their alluring quality. I didn’t want him to apologize to me. It was the most unfair and ridiculous turn of events. But Percy wouldn’t letme stop him now. “I should have known that my ex coming to the party would upset you. Especially since Apollo’s Lantern and the days in the mountains, Finn. I feel so stupid for not making sure you felt safe enough with me before I brought my ex into the mix. So. Here I am, far too late, to make sure you feel safe, Finn.”
Tears blurred my vision as I spun away from him. “Percy,” I whispered, strangled.You wonderful, people-pleasing, ever-comforting person…But the words were stuck in my throat.
“Finn, I’m begging you,” he said with more desperation than I would have expected from him. “We had a good thing. I think we did. These weeks with you, away from all the work I do to make my life appear meaningful, I’ve felt more alive than I have in years. You make me laugh. You make me happy. I can’t let my lack of thoughtfulness ruin everything because I know I can do better.”
And for what it was worth, under his own premise, Percy truly stepped up. The only problem was that he had never had any reason to step up. He had never done anything wrong.
And he didn’t know the whole truth.
“Percy,” I said in a slightly stronger tone, turning around to face him. “Percy, you did nothing wrong. Not a single thing. And that only makes this harder because I’ve done plenty.”
“I’ll do something wrong right now if that will make you happy,” Percy huffed.
That was, without a doubt, the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me. It wasn’t a grand proclamation of love, but a gritty willingness to do whatever was necessary just to make me smile. Unknowingly, I was already smiling. It took effort to smooth the smile out of my face. I didn’t want to hope. And I didn’t want to give him hope. What I had to do was be done with it quickly. It was the least painful way.
“Yesterday,” I began cautiously, then made myself relax into this as much as I could. No more secrets. “I was ready to tellyou everything, Percy. I promised myself I would. And then I got scared out of my skin and all I could do was run away. But here you are. And this is me, making good on that promise to be less vengeful and more trusting.” I inhaled a deep breath of air and held it in my lungs for a heartbeat or two. As I exhaled, the words came naturally. It looked like I did trust him after all. Or I was so ready for what was inevitable. “The very reason I am here is because I’m not an honest guy, Percy. I pretended to be someone else to get my hands on an item of great significance. It contains files, emails, and internal accounting that followed the scam that ruined my family. I’m a hateful person. I was out to have revenge. But when I stole this drive, I realized it was useless to me until someone could crack through the security on it. And I needed to buy myself time, so I tracked down Kim in a way that looked like an accidental bump. The reason we were together is because I lied and cheated my way to you, Percy.”
Percy wore an honestly bewildered expression for a moment. “Finn, I knew that much already. I don’t understand why this is an issue now.”
“Because I’m no better than Benny Tupper,” I said, my voice rising with urgency. Why couldn’t he see I was trouble? Why couldn’t he just agree that he was better off without me?
Percy frowned, cocked his head, and examined me with great attention. “You know, you’re kinda cuter than Benny Tupper.”
A laugh burst out of me before I could stop it.Don’t make me fall in love with you all over again when I am trying so hard to make you fall out of it. “Percy,” I pleaded softly. “That’s not all.”
He blinked and waited.
“Look, I lost. I lost the whole thing and I lost you before I even gave it an honest chance. I might as well tell you and let you decide what you want to do.” I put my hand inside my pocket, took out the flash drive and handed it to Percy.
He hesitated a moment and saw the furious determination on my face before he took the drive over. He was still apprehensive about it, as if he was holding an unconscious rattlesnake that was starting to stir and he lifted his gorgeous eyes to meet my steely gaze. “There. Have it. It contains everything. Like I said, it’s useless to me.”
“Finn, this is your lifeline. Isn’t it?” He made a move as if to return it.
“No.” I stepped back, relief rolling through me once again. “It’s Sauron’s ring if it’s anything. It makes me hateful and vengeful and maybe I deserve it if the worst now happens. Percy, the man I ran away from was Richie.”
Percy’s mouth opened and then closed. He blinked once, his head making the slightest motion of a shake before he stopped himself and tilted it. “Richie…?”
“YourRichie,” I said.