Emily nodded, eyes narrowing in thought. She has such smart eyes. “I want to know why you’re acting this way. It’s not like you, Percy.”
That drew a louder, more contemptuous snort from me. “Oh, you mean when your entire family is peppering you with demands to settle down, stop being alone, find someone nice to build a life with? What else was I supposed to do to get everyone to stop focusing so much on me and mind their own business?”
“Maybe if you stopped acting like work is the only important thing in your life and got your ass out of the chair, they wouldn’t feel compelled to remind you that there’s more to being alive than your company,” Emily suggested.
“We’re doing good work,” I argued. “Do you have any idea how many people got an opportunity because of us when no one else noticed them?”
“That is so not the point,” Emily said in that tone of gentle stubbornness. She was like a small forest brook that could go on forever, digging into the soil, eroding it away, and growing itself into a river. “Besides, you have a whole team of experts that can make more informed calls than you, Percy.”
That was true. That was why I had hired them.
Emily went on. “The point is, you’re unhappy. And having someone point that out is the fastest way to revert you into a petulant nine-year-old.”
“Will you ever move on from that?” I asked, fake exasperated. I had been a bit of a queen at nine, and Emily, who had been six, had hated my touchy behavior and my secrets she wasn’t privileged to know at the time. But what hurt the most was that she had never been allowed to join my teddy bear tea parties.
“Never,” Emily said in something like a vow to have her revenge eventually.
After we laughed, some of the tension was gone from my shoulders and chest.
“If you were actually content being single and overworked, you wouldn’t have hired someone to play the part of your boyfriend, Percy,” she said wisely.
I shook my head. “Not hired.”
“Oh?”
“He’s just doing me a favor because I freaked out and made up a boyfriend-sized excuse not to come here,” I said. “Finndoes notwant to be paid for this.”
Emily was quiet for a moment, cogs turning behind her eyes. She looked at me as a frown wrinkled the space between her eyebrows. “Percy, don’t tell me that surprise you mentioned was an offer to pay him.” There was actual panic in her voice.
“Why shouldn’t it be?” I asked. From where I had been standing, Finn could have used the cash to improve his life. That was the best I could do. If he left here with some kind of prospect, with some seed for success, I would remain happy. I would know he had a shot, wherever he was.
Emily shook her head in disappointment. “He likes you, dummy. A lot. And you offered him money like he was nothing at all to you.”
“That’s not true,” I said. I had offered it because I wanted him to be safe when he left. But then my brain caught onto her words. “Wait…no, Finn doesn’t like me. He’s…pretending, Em.” And he was very good at it. “We made a deal. We have boundaries. He…he can’t like me.”
“Why couldn’t he?” Emily asked. “Because of some agreement you made when you didn’t know him?” My sister laughed out loud. “God, Percy, are you serious? When have hearts ever followed the agreements made by our brains?”
“Well…” My heart certainly failed at it, but that didn’t mean it happened to everyone. “Um…but Finn…” I scratched my head. “I can’t. He’s our…guest. And he’s here to do me a favor. If I…I mean…” It would be awkward if it went down in any way but perfect. And of all the ways things went down, there was only a tiny, narrow path to perfection, so thin that it was barely even there.
“Percy, he likes you,” Emily said as if explaining the moon wasn’t actually so small but existed very far away. “He practically told me so.”
“He had to,” I argued rationally. “It’s what he’s here to do.”
“No,” Emily countered with growing frustration. “The real Finn, not the person he’s playing, likesyou, the real Percy. How many times do I have to tell you? See, that’s why I told Finn you needed everything spelled out for you. I’m guessing he didn’t do that.”
“I didn’t exactly give him a chance,” I admitted with regret. “You think I should have…” What? I didn’t even know what to ask her.
Emily didn’t answer. She shook her head slowly, kindly. “Just this once, I can’t tell you what to do. You have to figure it out for yourself.”
And if we had all gotten it so wrong in this tangled mess of lies, then I would end up looking like the biggest loser of all. It wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe it was worth the risk. Maybe…
If he really liked me.
If heactuallyliked me.
My heart fluttered and leaped. A sense of urgency came over me. Fuck. I’d offended him and I had pissed him off. I needed to make things right.
“But Percy,” Emily said, a touch of warning in her voice. “Before you do anything, you need to be sure. I don’t want you to get his hopes up if you’re not certain you like him. He’s too sweet and vulnerable underneath all that snark.”