Page 51 of White Room Virgin

Jonah

I was still in the library when Martin called me. At first, I ignored it, but he persisted and kept trying, so I finally motioned for Simon to keep an eye on my things and stepped out.

“Hey! Dinner together tonight,” Martin said shortly.

Within seconds, I was gripped by an inner coldness. As much as I had tortured myself over the last few days, it was only at that moment that I realized that it had been ridiculous compared to what I was about to face. Eating together meant sitting at the same table as Lucien. And that scared the crap out of me.

“Uh … what? But I’m still in the library.” This excuse sounded lame even to my ears.

“We won’t be home until half past seven anyway.”

“But I’m studying for my exams here.”

“The library closes at eight anyway.”

“But … why?”

Martin was silent for a moment. “We are roommates,” he said emphatically. “We eat together occasionally. And a break from studying will do you good. We’re having spaghetti.”

This time, he didn’t give me a chance to speak and hung up.

Shit.

For two weeks, I’d managed to avoid running into Lucien. That hadn’t been difficult since he was never home anyway. He would only come back at night, if at all, then took a shower and was gone again the next morning.

I was convinced he hated me. I hadn’t even bothered to apologize to him. My self-loathing was greater than ever. I didn’t deserve to be sitting at the same table as him. But even more important was the question of whether Martin suspected anything.

He couldn’t be making a meal together for no reason.

But then I understood.

Maybe he had already seen through me. The perfect world I try to make everyone believe…

Not only was I a hypocrite, but I was probably also a bad actor. In this sense, a scolding would have been well deserved. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had already informed my parents—about everything.

Holy … I’m going straight to hell! If the evening turns out to be anywhere near as uneventful as I’m hoping, I’ll be lucky.

The time on my cell phone showed it was only six, so I went back inside and sat down behind the books. But my concentration was gone. My thoughts were with Lucien and the images of our night together—although it wasn’t even a full night—flashed before my mind.

Lucien taking off his shirt.

His naked upper body.

How he kissed me, touched me … and in the most outrageous places.

And me … how I was consumed with lust and desire for him.

Startled by my own thoughts, I jumped and slammed my knee on the table. That, in turn, made me jump again and I suppressed a yelp. Fortunately, the pain had relieved the tightness in my pants.

Damn it! What’s wrong with you, Jonah?

Simon glanced up and frowned. A warning“Ssh!”hissed from another table. I pretended nothing had happened and hid behind my laptop. But a few minutes later, my nervousness rose again. I kept bouncing my right leg so that the person sitting next to me at one point exhaled in annoyance, gave me a stern look, and left. I kept glancing at the clock. Time was racing by.

Damn … Martin knows. I’m sure of it. Lucien told him everything. But why? Why would he do that? I know I’ve made a mistake. I would undo it if I could.

The whole time I thought about Lucien and how he beamed at me with his beautiful green eyes. I liked the way he wore his hair—slightly curled and unruly, which was a perfect fit for an artist like him. He had style and was confident, embracing life to the fullest.

Not like me, who was still patronized far too much by my parents. I could have searched for a job a long time ago, but I was too comfortable and let them carry me. Even though I didn’t want to go back. As much as life here in Zurich was upsetting me, God would make sure I found my way. But there was no way I wanted to go back to the farm after my studies.

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