Page 31 of Doc

I shake my head and brush some hair away from his face. “No, I don’t mind if you have a friend, or two. Who maybe sometimes takes care of you, whether that be with food and water, or even fucking your brains out. I expect commitment,but that doesn’t always have to mean exclusivity; at least not in the way other people mean it. You can be devoted to me while also fucking someone else.”

He gives me a small smile. “You don’t have to explain it to me. I’ve seen how Tennant, Hollis, and Roman have navigated their relationship this last year. And maybe that’s not the same thing because all three of them are in a relationship together, but I understand what you’re saying. I’ve only been in monogamous relationships, but there honestly haven’t been many of those over the years. I’m not sure how it all works, but I’m glad it won’t be an issue. I’ll do a lot for my partner and my Dom, but my relationship with James is non-negotiable.”

“I understand, Doc. I may not get it, not yet, but I understand meddling in your relationship with him is off the table. That’s the reason we're having this conversation—setting boundaries.”

“And what’s one of yours?”

“Honesty,” I say simply. “Tell me the truth, ineverything, and we’ll be okay.” I watch him carefully.

He nods his head slightly. “I’m a lot of things, Soren, but I’m not a liar.” Doc takes a shuddering breath as I gently scratch at his scalp. “My name,” he says. “It’s the only other big boundary I have. Don’t ask; me or anyone else. I burned that person to the ground when Cristian saved me from myself. I’m Doc. You can call me a slut, a hole, a cumdumpster, anything and everything you can think of. But my name is off limits.”

“Okay,” I whisper. Extracting my fingers from his hair, I gently ghost them down his face to his mouth, smoothing my thumb across his bottom lip. “I’m sorry I crossed a line. I can’t promise it’ll be the last time I mess up. I’m human, and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m far from perfect, but it will never be intentional.”

He keeps his eyes on mine as he gently licks the tip of my thumb. My breath catches in my throat and Doc shifts, adjusting himself on the floor. “What’s next?” he asks in a quiet voice.

“I want a chance to earn more than just your body, Doc.”

He gasps, eyes fluttering closed as he takes in my words. “I don’t know if I can do that,” he says. “I’ve had relationships, but there have only been two people I’ve ever loved, and neither of them was romantically.” When he looks at me again, there’s something dark I can’t decipher in them.

“Cristian and James are the only two people who have ever gotten me. I don’t know if I can ever trust someone on the same level. Offering up my body and that part of myself is easy, especially to someone who knows what they’re doing. But…only two people know the person I was before, and in order to love someone, I think I’d have to give that up as well, otherwise it’d be too hard to say I’m still being honest.”

I understand what he’s saying, and I respect him for it. And maybe I fall a little, but I shove that feeling to the side, unwilling to entertain it.

“That’s okay. Just give me a chance to show you I can be what you need.” I smooth my thumb over his lip again before pulling my hand away.

I itch to touch him all over. I want to undress him and coast my hands over every inch of flesh, but we have to do this right, even if that way might kill me.

“What do you want, Doc?”

He shudders before moving backward until we’re no longer touching. I watch with rapt attention as he shifts his position on the floor again, this time going to his knees. He keeps his eyes on me, even as he lowers himself into position, his back staying straight as he sits back on his heels.

His hands lay on his thighs palms up, fingers loosely curled inward, and only then does he start to lower his head and eyes.

“No,” I command. “Eyes on me, always. Unless I blindfold you, or tell you otherwise, I want you to see everything I do to you.”

Iwish I could explain the rush at being ordered around. Yes, it’s something as simple as keeping my eyes on him, but having the decision taken from my hands on whether I should watch him or not is freeing. Some of my previous partners didn’t care either way, and others were firm in their order to not look at them unless commanded to, or…there was that one guy who wouldn’t let me raise my eyes above his collarbone. We met online and I had only ever seen his side profile, even after the kinky shenanigans were over with—I can’t help but wonder if he was that ugly and afraid no one would be with him if they saw his full face.

“Pay attention,” Soren orders. “If you can’t keep your mind from wandering, I can give you something to do so you can focus better.”

My breath catches in my chest. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

He half smiles. “Let it happen again and you will be. Since we’re just getting to know one another, I’ll let you have one chance to show me how good of a boy you are. But I won’t tolerate disrespect. When you’re with me, you’re with me. Nothing else matters except the two of us, do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir, I do. Thank you. I’ll do better.”

There’s that half smile again. “Sir works for now, but we’ll need to have another conversation soon.”

My heart thuds in my chest and my palms begin to sweat. He doesn’t like to be called ‘Sir’? I’m okay with most honorifics, but if he wants something like ‘Master’, he’s going to have toearnit.

“What’s your safeword? Mine is grapefruit. I also use stoplight colors.”

“Orange, the color, not the fruit.” I make a face. “It’s a terrible color, so perfect for a safeword. I also use stoplight colors,” I reply.

“Good to know.” Soren shifts forward on the sofa, sitting on the edge and studying me with those bright blue eyes. “What about your results?”

“I’m negative across the board. James and I don’t use condoms, but neither of us is sleeping with anyone else, and we both get tested twice a year. Last time was barely a month ago.”

“Perfect. I’m also negative. It’s been…far too long since I’ve been with someone else, but I got tested two months ago and everything is on the up and up. I’ve never not used a condom, though.”

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