Page 90 of 10 Ways to Accidentally Fall in Love

It makes getting down the ladder a little cumbersome, but I manage, my toes finally sinking into soft sand, the water up to my knees.

“That’s not so bad,” I comment.

“Pretty nice, right?” Joey says, a grin on his face as he squints into the sun.

“Oh,” I sigh, patting his cheek. “Yes. So, so nice.”

His smile gets impossibly wider.

“How far out do you want to go?” I ask.

“Just enough to swim?” Joey suggests. “You can stay a little further in if you want.”

I nod idly, walking alongside Joey, one hand on the dock for balance. “Could I, like, float away?” I check.

“Nah,” he says easily. “You’d get pushed to shore, not outwards.”

“Sure, sure. But what about undertows?”

He smiles at me. “That’s a concern at the beach, but not here, I promise.”

I nod again, trusting him. As we reach the end of the dock, where the water is halfway up my stomach, wetting the bottom of my life vest, I come to a stop. Joey steps a few feet further, turning so that he’s facing me and then pushing backwards into the water. He floats easily on his back for a couple seconds before twisting and dropping under the surface. When he comes up, he’s fully wet, reminding me of that day at the pool when water was dripping down his back and over his ass, and I couldn’t help but watch the journey.

Was I curious about Joey even then? I must have been. Why else would I have felt guilty for looking at his ass?

“I think I’ve always been bi,” I muse aloud.

Joey’s head snaps up, and he stands, walking my way as he brushes his hair back. “Yeah?”

“I mean… I’ve always been able to appreciate a nice ass. Man, woman, enby, it never mattered. I just… I’ve only been with women. But I wouldn’t enjoy looking at men if I didn’t find them attractive, right?”

Joey hums, seemingly weighing his words as his head tilts back and forth a little. “I don’t think anyone can say for sure other than you. I think it’s possible to find someone objectively beautiful without wanting to be with them sexually or romantically. It’s like art. You can appreciate it without wanting to take it home.”

“Dude,” I say, letting out a snort. “Nice one.”

He chuckles. “What I mean is attraction isn’t always cut and dried. Is it possible you’ve always had the potential to find a man desirable but just haven’t consciously thought about it before? Sure. Or maybe it has more to do with connection than body.”

“Huh,” I mutter, thinking that over. “Jason is demisexual. Have I mentioned that?”

“You did. Once,” he says.

“Sex wasn’t something he wanted before Cas,” I tell him, positive Jason wouldn’t mind me sharing that with Joey. “He’s always had a high libido—and please, don’t ever ask me to explain how I know that. Our walls were not thick.”

Joey huffs a laugh.

“But he didn’t want to share that, to get off, with other people. Not until Cas. And even now, there’s only Cas for him, you know?”

He nods, looking curious about where I’m going with this. I hardly know myself, talking my thoughts aloud more than anything else.

“I never doubted being sexually attracted to women,” I say. “I don’t think I’m demi. But I do think, maybe, having a connection with you made all the difference. Because…”

Because I liked Joey before I realized I liked his stomach.

Because sex wasn’t the first thing I wanted from him. It was simply to be close. To know him better.

Because the chance I might lose him to the Logans of the world made me confront the fact that my feelings weren’t strictly platonic.

Which means…

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