Page 132 of In Plain Sight

“Luka…” She fiddled with her bracelet. “I know.”

“You know what?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“I know about you being into guys.”

For the second time in as many minutes, my brain did something akin to a record scratch as panic and fear and disbelief hit me like a wrecking ball.

“What?” I croaked, my vision blinking in and out a few times.

A warm hand encircled my wrist, grounding me before I could completely spiral. “I’ve known for a while now.”

“What?” I repeated, my chest squeezing tight with more fear and panic.

She knew? How? When?

“Danny Swanson,” she said softly.

I almost choked on nothing. I hadn’t heard his name in so long.

“I saw you with him,” she continued. “I came home early one day, and you were in your room, but your door wasn’t closed.”

“What did you see?” I asked, some of my shock finally breaking.

“Not much,” she insisted. “Just you two kissing.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked, my head spinning. She’d known for nine years?

She shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t know how. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready, but you never did.”

“Does Mom know?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so. She’s never said anything.”

I blew out a breath. “I can’t believe you’ve known all this time.”

She chewed on her lip. “I wondered if maybe Danny was an experiment because you never said anything, but you guys were so close.”

“We were together,” I said softly. “I really liked him.”

She smiled encouragingly.

I’d never talked to anyone about exactly what happened with Danny. I’d sort of glossed over the details with Zander, but that was it.

“I think… I think I could have loved him if we’d stayed together longer.” I rubbed my hand against the leg of my sweats. “He wanted me to come out, to be with him for real.” I shot my sister a helpless look. “But I wasn’t ready. Not then. I would have, I just needed more time to figure stuff out.”

She nodded, understanding crossing her features.

“I know it’s not fair for me to be mad that he didn’t want to hide, but it wasn’t fair for him to demand that I come out before I was ready. I was so confused and scared, and I just needed some time, but he walked away, and I was too chicken shit to go after him.” I let out a hysterical-sounding laugh. “Like I just let Zander walk out of here because I was too chicken shit to tell you the truth.”

“Luka,” she chided. “You were a kid. You can’t blame yourself for what happened when you were seventeen.”

“What about all the years after? All the times I could have told you or Mom but didn’t?”

“You had your reasons. I don’t blame you for not saying anything. I just hate that you kept this to yourself for so long because, knowing you, you’ve been torturing yourself for years over it.”

I dropped my gaze. She had my number.

“I was going to tell you when I found another guy I wanted to be with,” I confessed. “But that didn’t happen. And the more time that passed, the harder it was to say something.”

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