Page 27 of It's Complicated

I shrugged and stabbed the straw into the juice.

“Well, if you’re not going to tell me, then I’m going to guess.” She tapped her chin with her finger and squinted at me theatrically. “See if I can’t figure it out on my own.”

“It’s nothing.” I smiled. My sister could always make me laugh.

Emma was six years older than me, and while we were very different people, we’d always been close. It wasn’t unusual for me to come over to hang out with her family on the weekends, especially when her husband was away for work.

I’d hoped getting out of the apartment for a while would help clear my head after what happened between me and Isaac yesterday, but I was still distracted enough that my eagle-eyed sister noticed.

“You didn’t check your phone at all when you were playing with the kids, and you’ve been subdued since you got here,” she said thoughtfully. “Did something happen with Isaac?”

“What?” I almost choked on the apple slice I’d just bitten into.

“Is something going on with Isaac?” she repeated when I’d regained my composure. “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

“No, not a fight.” I drank some juice, not wanting to risk choking again.

“Is something else going on?” she pressed. “Even you have to admit you’re not acting like yourself.”

I shrugged and sipped more juice so I wouldn’t have to answer.

I loved my sister, but I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about what was going on in my head. I hadn’t even fully processed it myself yet.

“Jamie,” she said in that voice she used when she was trying to soothe one of the kids. “You can tell me.”

“It’s nothing.” I put the juice box down. I couldn’t stop fidgeting and didn’t want to spill any of it on her couch. “I’m fine.”

She gave me a dubious look.

“I’llbefine,” I corrected.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I’m sure. It’s not a big deal. Just need to work through some stuff.”

Her expression said she didn’t believe me, but she just nodded, accepting my answer.

“Are you excited for London?” I asked, needing to change the subject. Talking about her and Mike’s upcoming anniversary trip should do the trick.

“I can’t wait.” She perked up, forgetting all about my mood.

“I’ll bet it’s getting down to the wire for planning, huh?”

She launched into a rant about how our parents, and Mike’s, were being flaky and how she was going crazy trying to coordinate watching the kids and checking in on the house with them on top of getting organized and planning their itinerary.

I listened with half an ear, nodding and interjecting little exclamations or one-word answers when appropriate. I’d heard this rant before. She didn’t want someone to try and fix her problems for her. She just needed someone to sympathize. I could do that, even with my head half in the clouds.

The situation at home was complicated, and it was my fault.

Isaac wasn’t acting any differently. He’d slipped right back into his best friend role like we’d never gotten each other off.

I had no idea how to feel about any of what happened. I didn’t regret it, and I was pretty sure Isaac didn’t either, but I couldn’t just forget about it. Or everything that led up to it.

The threesome, the weird week of tension, the sort-of kiss in the bathroom at the bar that sparked the fantasy of Isaac blowing me, and an even weirder week where I couldn’t stop picturing my best friend naked and on his knees.

All of it felt like one big albatross flying over me. Or maybe an anvil held up by a fraying rope, ready to fall and destroy me at any second.

But the worst part wasn’t just obsessing about hooking up with Isaac or dissecting every moment of it to try and make sense of what was going on. It was how I couldn’t stop cycling through my memories to understandwhyit happened.

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