Page 28 of It's Complicated

Isaac and I were both straight.

At least that’s what I’d thought until a few weeks ago. Now I wasn’t so sure.

Obviously I wasn’t straight if I’d gotten off with a guy and liked it, but could I really consider myself bi if I’d only ever wanted one guy?

Did that make me bi-curious? Or had that just been an experiment between friends?

We’d both been in weird places since the threesome, and the distance between us had only grown after that night at the bar. I’d been avoiding him, not sure how to act after coming to thoughts of him on his knees for me.

He’d given me space, but it hadn’t helped. If anything, it made things worse.

I hoped that hanging out and doing normal roommate stuff yesterday would help me get over myself, but instead I’d jumped him and dry humped him on our couch until we’d both come in our pants like horny teenagers.

And I’d loved it.

Being with Isaac felt good. But more than that, it felt right.

But was that because it was Isaac and not necessarily because he was a man?

I’d played hockey for seventeen years and spent more time in locker rooms than I could count. I’d spent most of my life surrounded by fit guys, and not once in all that time had I felt even a flicker of interest for any of my friends or teammates. Not once.

And it wasn’t like I’d never had guys flirt with me, and more than one had heavily hinted that they’d be open to messing around if I wanted to. The opportunities had been there, I just hadn’t been interested.

But then again, I’d never seen any of those guys fuck my ex-hookup in a threesome. Was that why it felt like I had a massive crush on my best friend?

On top of obsessing about that, I was trying to figure out if Isaac really was the first guy I’d had a crush on, and I honestly didn’t know.

Isaac wasn’t my first best friend, but our friendship was on another level from the ones I’d had before. I assumed that was because of how intertwined our lives were. We spent almost all our free time together, and we lived together. That created a sense of closeness that wouldn’t be there if we weren’t roommates on top of being best friends.

But none of that could explain why I’d thought about him blowing me. Or why I liked kissing him. It definitely didn’t explain why rubbing off on him felt so good either.

But if I was bi, wouldn’t I have figured that out by now? How could I go this long without knowing I was into men?

Which was why I kept cycling back to wondering if I wasn’t into men, and I was only into Isaac?

Over the past week, I’d tried to see if other men did it for me. I’d paid extra attention to the men at work, at the gym, andhad even started scrutinizing the male models and influencers I came across on my social media.

A lot of them were attractive in the sense that I understood why other people would be attracted to them. That was as far as my interest went.

I could recognize a hot guy but had no desire to do anything with them. The thought didn’t turn me off, but it didn’t turn me on.

It was the same as with a lot of the women I saw in my day-to-day life. I found a ton of different types of women attractive, but that didn’t necessarily mean I wanted to do anything about it.

All of it was confusing as fuck, and it wasn’t like I could just ask people if I was normal. My old high school friends and former teammates weren’t the talking types. Not about deep or personal stuff, at least.

I had a few queer friends, but we weren’t close enough for me to ask them about this kind of stuff. And the one queer friend I was close with wasn’t really the talk about your feelings type.

The only person I really talked to was Isaac, and that wasn’t exactly helpful when he was the person I needed to talk about.

I was attracted to women; I knew that. I enjoyed being with them, and I liked looking at them.

But did I only like women?

I’d been going in circles on this for over a week now, and in an effort to get some answers, I’d upgraded from looking at hot guys to checking out some gay porn. Unfortunately that hadn’t really helped clarify things either.

Watching it turned me on, but not because I wanted the models or I was picturing myself in one of their places. It was the acts themselves that were hot.

I’d never thought about blowing a guy, never once considered touching another man’s dick, but I wanted to do both with Isaac.

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