Page 13 of The Devil on my Chest

I never saw that, Rocky sent through their bond quickly.I never knew you felt so bad about me doing that.

“I wouldn’t let you see it,” Mal said. “You were a perfectly normal, everyday alpha wolf in my head. That’s what I saw when I met you, that’s what I thought all these years we were together. I honestly believed that if you and I were mates, you would make an approach one day. And instead, you used to go out.”

The pain in Mal’s voice was enough to slay any wolf stronger than Rocky and he whined, wishing again that he had hands. Paws couldn’t hold Mal the way Rocky wanted to, which meant he had to rely on words instead.

I was just trying to fit in with what everyone thought I should be,he admitted. I knew from the way Ra, Liam and Lucien, everybody we knew really, were talking - You remember whatthey were like back then, always sleeping around and hooking up. And I just felt if I didn’t look like them and act like them, then people would think that there was something wrong with me.

“They never thought there was anything wrong with me.” Mal wiggled a bit probably getting more comfortable. “They just accepted that I wasn’t interested in that side of things. In fact you, Liam, Lucien, Brutus, Simon, Ra, all of you. You all saved me from unwanted attentions many times, well before we arrived at Arrowtown, and I was grateful to all of you for doing that.

“I don’t know why I never got the urges that everybody else did. I always believed that I’d never change. I even went to our doc thinking something was wrong with me. Although, Doctor Nelson seems to thinks I was just wired to wait for my mate.”

Rocky could hear the hopeful note in Mal’s voice and while it lifted his soul, knowing Mal was definitely referring to him in that department, he realized that this might be the one time he had to say something that he’d never had the courage to put into words before. Something that had been holding him back as much as the curse.

I know we keep harking on about it, but you remember the night we met, yes? Everything that happened?

He felt Mal nod against his shoulder.

Those men, what they were doing to you... I never asked if they... if they... Fuck!Rocky couldn’t even get the words out. Not even in his wolf form, not even through their bond. He couldn’t say the words. He could only trust that Mal knew he was asking because Mal was good like that.

“They got close to it, the words you can’t say and that I refuse to consider,” Mal said at last. “That’s all I’m going to say on thatmatter, because like your past, it’s just something we move on from, isn’t it?”

Yes, I know, and I’m the first one to say to hell with the past and let’s jump into our future together. But remember, that was the first time I saw you and… and…Rocky willed Mal to understand.I never wanted you to think I was anything like those…fucking assholes. I would have approached you. There were so many times when I went off making a fool of myself, and all I really wanted was to have the courage to come into your room and say, hey, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m really attracted to you.

“Shit, Rocky. We’ve both been idiots.” Mal sighed. “It’s really weird isn’t it? I thought all these years we were so close, and we were. I’m not saying we’re not, but there was just some things we wouldn’t or couldn’t talk about.

“If you think about it, the one thing this curse has done is probably broken down those barriers. Not probably – it has. It’s hard not to see that in a positive light. Although I will say, it’s going to be a while before I can see you within ten feet of the bakery without worrying you’re going to relapse.”

Rocky sniffed along Mal’s hair and then licked up the side of his face.

I don’t think I could do that to you. In fact I’m sure I wouldn’t do that to you. I don’t know. I’m trying to be all zen and think along the same lines as you, but that’s not easy for me. I guess things do play out for a reason, and whatever those reasons were, the ups and downs, the good, the bad, they got us here, they brought us to this point.

We’re mates. That’s the biggest positive in all of this. I know damn well as soon as Doctor Nelson removes that blocker that he injected me with, the one that’s stopped me from shiftingback, all I want is to do when I’m on two legs is take you in my arms and hold you close. That’s all I’ve wanted for so many years.

Rocky’s wolf got an extra scritch for that, and he could sense Mal was pleased.

“Where did you go when you were going off all those different times?” Mal asked after a long minute. “What were you doing with yourself? Not even Mrs. Hooper could work that out and we both know she knows everything before anyone even asks the question.”

Ouch. Rocky’s biggest shame, but Mal deserved to know.Before we moved to Arrowtown, I used to go for a long ride on the bike. I would go and sit somewhere, missing you, being stupid, but knowing I’d have to stay out all night or my story wasn’t plausible.

And then when we moved to Arrowtown, sometimes I’d go into Jackson, dance a bit, whatever. It really didn’t matter. I just, yeah, I, it’s not that I didn’t have opportunities and I’m not trying to hurt you by mentioning that, but anytime anybody got close to me like that, I felt sick.

Mal chuckled. “Me too. It’s funny that. It’s almost like we were mated all this time and didn’t know. We’ve got a lot to thank Doctor Nelson for.”

Well, I’d thank him a lot more if he hadn’t gone home to sleep when we needed him.Rocky was still miffed that he had to wait until morning.

But Mal was still chuckling, and he was stroking Rocky’s fur in the way that made Rocky’s wolf feel all the more special. So really, it wasn’t like Rocky had a lot to complain about.

Life would be better if they brought me a burger when you get your meal, instead of that chopped up steak.

But realistically, that wasn’t really a complaint either. Food was food. Heaving a huge sigh, Rocky and his wolf settled down to wait for the darn doctor.I hope he’s having a good sleep. He’s probably got a real bed instead of this hospital thing.And yes, Rocky’s wolf could be as sarcastic as his human side at times.

Chapter Nine

Doctor Nelson turned up just before lunch the following day and after another hour, when Rocky’s blood was tested again as well as Mal’s, he deemed it worth letting Rocky shift back to his human form. But they weren’t allowed to be alone.

“It’s too risky.” Doctor Nelson shook his head at Rocky’s show of teeth. “I know you’re keen to get out of here, but you will need to stay here for at least another twenty-four hours. We have to know the curse is completely gone.”

Mal tuned out the cursing Rocky was sending through their mating link at the doctor’s assessment. Patience wasn’t one of Rocky’s skills. Frankly, Mal was quietly relieved the doctor hadn’t just shot Rocky in the ass with an antidote, let him shift, given him some clothes and then sent them on their way.

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