Page 103 of Theirs

Me: I know it’s early, but I just wanted to see if you are ok and if there is anything I can do, let me know. I miss you and I’m thinking of you.

I laid the phone next to me, expecting for me to hear from them later when my phone buzzed.

Camila: It was not a good day yesterday. It was hard on his siblings and his sister especially. Luke’s feeling emotionally drained.

She sent a private message just between us and while the message wasn’t good, it felt like a step in the right direction.

Me: Are you staying there any longer?

Camila: He needs to get some financial things situated so maybe a few more days. If he doesn’t come back at that point, I will because I have a lot of stuff to do for the dresses I’m making for a wedding, but I don’t want to leave him.

I trembled slightly when I decided to tell her my plan.

Me: What if I came for a few days? I could stay with him and you could get work done?

Camila: You’d want to come?

Me: Of course, I miss you both. I want to be there for both of you. This has to be stressful and I want to help however I can.

My heart pounded, my nerves made me a little queasy.

Camila: That would be great. I think Luke would love that.

Camila: And I would too.

The tension left my body leaving me with a big goofy smile.

Me: Tomorrow morning too soon?

Camila: Tomorrow is perfect. Text me or call me when you get to the airport.

Me: I will. If he feels up to it he can call me. I’ll be going to dinner with Cheryl at six-thirty but I’ll be free all day.

Camila: I’ll let him know.

Me: I miss you.

The dots that said she was texting disappeared and reappeared several times before the longest minutes of my life came to an end.

Camila: We miss you too.

The urge to say I love you came out of nowhere. My thumbs hovered over the keys debating if this was a good idea. I let my phone fall on the bed before I did it. If I was going to tell them I loved them, it needed to be in person because I wanted to see their face, to hold them and they needed to hear more than just my love for them. Maybe it was a stupid idea, but I needed to tell Luke what I had done and almost did. keeping this from him felt wrong and if I wanted to be with them forever, he needed to know.

I threw my arm over my face hating that I had done what I did. It was going to be awkward, but I needed them. Being in control was always my goal, but I was finding out that I wanted chaos, unpredictability and above all, I wanted them. I wanted hearts and flowers, dinners and Netflix & chills; they were my home. So wherever life took us, l wanted to be with them because no matter how much I fought it, I would always be theirs.

31

Camila

Death had a funny way of making you look at life in a different perspective. No one thinks they are going to die early or suddenly. Most of us have this crazy idea that we will be super old and die when we have lived a long life.

Watching them bury Luke’s family yesterday was a lot harder than I had imagined. While we were never really close, I saw how their lives impacted so many and their death left a little bit of destruction.

When my parents called to give their condolences to Luke, I stayed on the phone with them for a little longer than usual. My parents and I had always had a rocky relationship, especially with my mother, but seeing how quickly Luke’s parents were taken, made me appreciate my parents a little more.

Texting Genevieve was not something I thought I was going to do yesterday morning. Luke was still exhausted, still passed out from the emotional day. Sleep didn’t come easy to me and I blamed my lack of sleep on why I had responded to Genevieve and why I told her I wanted her here. I didn’t need to be back in Denver for another week, so I don't know why I had told her I had to go back.

My chest ached as I ignored why I had agreed to her coming. Being mad at her was easier, it meant I could keep Luke safe, keep us from falling apart except that's not what I wanted. I sighed and rolled onto my back as another night of sleep evaded me.

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