Page 108 of Playoff

And the first chance I got to end things, I did.

The trauma from the past reared its ugly head at the worst possible time, making me do something rash.

Now I have to figure out if I’m willing to find a way to work past all that or if I did the right thing.

And in my heart of hearts, I already know the answer.

I just don’t know how to fix what I broke.

THIRTY-FOUR

Blake

Boston is stillcool in May, but my suit jacket is enough to keep me comfortable.

It’s been a long couple of days meeting with the team, talking to management, and getting a feel for the organization.

It’s a big, vibrant city with a huge hockey following. There are some incredible players on the team too, guys I could learn a lot from. I didn’t get to meet the head coach but the general manager and VP of hockey operations are smart guys, with good reputations in the hockey world. Under any other circumstances, I would be beside myself with excitement.

Anson has been talking a mile a minute since we left the meeting with the team, giving me details I can’t quite muster up much interest in.

A solid two-year, seven-figure contract.

A bonus to get me through the summer since I’ll have to move and they understand my Rebels salary isn’t enough to cover expenses like that.

Even some kind of housing allowance for six months to help me get acclimated and give me time to figure out where I want to live.

There are a lot of details that make my head spin.

Mostly, I’m tuning him out.

The money sounds amazing, but everything else is just… background noise.

Without Rowan here to share this with me, I don’t actually give a fuck.

If we can’t work things out, I’ll probably sign the contract because it would be stupid not to, but it doesn’t feel like a win.

I essentially traded Rowan for my NHL dreams a decade ago, and that got me nowhere. How can I choose my career over her a second time? Especially now that I know just how much she means to me. How much I love her. How everything feels empty and meaningless unless she’s at my side.

If she needs to follow her dreams, then maybe it’s time to put mine to bed.

I’ve been chasing that elusive golden ring for ten long years. With very little to show for it.

Maybe it’s time to just walk away and focus on what’s important.

Rowan. Starting a family with her.

A future that doesn’t include hockey.

It hurts even thinking about walking away from hockey, but it feels like it’s time for me to make some changes.

“How about we get some dinner and go over the fine print?” Anson suggests.

“I can’t,” I reply. “I’m flying back to L.A.”

“L.A.?” He looks confused. “I thought you were going back to Phoenix.”

“I have some loose ends to tie up in L.A. first.”

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