Page 99 of Playoff

“I’m not, but if you love me like you say you do, why wouldn’t you give me a choice?”

“Nothing has happened yet!” he says, his voice rising in frustration. “I don’t have an offer or a contract or anything else. It’s just backroom chatter.”

“They contacted your agent. They wouldn’t risk that if they weren’t serious.”

“Probably not, but I still don’t know anything. And what’s the difference if I’m in Boston or Phoenix? Other than the fact that I’ll be making ten or twenty times the money! Which could totally set up our future. If I can play two years out there, that’s enough to put away money for a house. Pay for me to go back to school. Get a little nest egg set aside so we can start our livesoff right. And, on top of that, if I’m in Boston, we don’t have to worry about the damn no-fraternization clause.”

I shake my head. “You’re missing the whole point.”

“What? That I was waiting to tell you something until I had all the information?”

“That you’ve started making plans without me.Again.”

“All my plans include you!” he yells.

“How?” I ask. “How are we going to start a new relationship with you living on the other side of the country? How can we build something solid when everything is up in the air? We wouldn’t know how long you’ll be in Boston or when we’ll see each other. We can’t plan for anything. Certainly not children. Or where we’d live. Or buying a home. Do you understand how fucked up this is?”

He just watches me as I rant, not saying a word.

“That’s it? No response?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he says finally. “You’re determined to believe the worst of me. I know I fucked up ten years ago, and I probably should have said something about Boston, but why upset the apple cart when it might not even happen? Like you said, we’re still trying to find our way as a couple, and this does throw a monkey wrench into the machinery. But it’s not all bad.”

“The thing is, there are no good options for us,” I say after a moment. “If you go back to Phoenix, we’re doing the long-distance thingandyou’re broke. And technically, you’re still part of the Phantoms organization, so I don’t know if the no fraternization clause extends to the Rebels. If you get a place on the Phantoms roster, then we absolutely can’t be together, and again, we don’t know how long you’re going to play.

“At the end of the day, we knew things were going to be hard, but now they seem impossible. I’m not giving up my dream job and neither are you. So where the hell does that leave us?”

He stares at me, confusion in his gorgeous blue eyes.

I stare back.

I don’t know what he sees in my eyes but whatever it is makes him sad.

Because he looks…defeated.

“Is that how you feel?” he asks after a moment. “Like this thing with us is impossible?”

“It is, unless one of us gives up our dreams, and frankly, we both know we’re not going to. So… what’s the point?”

“Thepointis that I love you.”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” I whisper, looking away.

“The last time we talked about this, we were coming up with backup plans. Now you’re just giving up?”

“I’m not giving up. I’m smart enough, and mature enough, to know when it’s time to let something go. We never had closure before, but this time we do. This time we tried and realized it wasn’t going to work, like adults. Now, maybe we can actually move on.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to say.

“You’re sorry?” The look on his face is pure disbelief.

If I’m honest, I’m having a hard time believing it too.

Letting him go is going to suck.

I didn’t have a choice last time, since he broke up with me, but I’m the one walking away this time and it’s not just hard—it’s…excruciating.

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