Page 91 of Playoff

And the talk we had didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.

She said she returns my feelings but wouldn’t say the words “I love you.”

She was also clear that she doesn’t want to leave her job, and though I understand it, I’m not sure what we’ll do if the Phantoms do decide to keep me on. I let her go once before, and I don’t want to do it again, but I can’t imagine walking away from an opportunity to play for the big leagues. Even one season, at a million dollars, could set up our future.

The problem is that I don’t think she’s motivated by money.

In the grand scheme of things, neither am I, but this is important.

Life-changing even.

Maybe I feel that way because I’ve been broke for so long, but I don’t want to start our life together with nothing. We’ve already been apart for ten years. Would it really be so bad to do the long-distance thing for another year or two while I bank some serious money?

Am I being selfish again?

I have no interest in other women.

I would never cheat on her. Technically, I didn’t cheat before either—I asked for a break specifically for that reason, but at least I was honest enough to end it before I went looking.

This time around, I just want to do what’s best for us, for our future.

And maybe end my career on a high note.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

But I have to tread carefully because I’m pretty sure Rowan isn’t as confident in our relationship as I am.

The truth is she has more to lose, and she already lost a year of her life because of me, so I don’t want to force her to make a choice like that.

I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to give her up, even if it’s better for her, so that’s weighing on me as we fly home.

After our flight lands in L.A., Rowan goes home with her dad, and I get back to my hotel room. I lay there in the darkness staring at the ceiling for a long time. I never dreamed I’d be at a crossroads like this, where I have more options than I know what to do with. Most of them are out of my control, though, which is what makes it difficult.

I reach for my phone and open the texting app.

BLAKE: I’m lying here missing you. Whatcha doin’?

ROWAN: Dad and I are having a late dinner, but then I’m going to bed. I have an early day tomorrow.

BLAKE: How come?

ROWAN: Bunch of stuff going on, a shipment of supplies came in that I need to go through, and Sunny won’t be in because she has graduation stuff going on.

BLAKE: You want me to come in and help out? I could say my shoulder is bothering me or something?

ROWAN: That’s sweet, but I think it’s too risky. My dad will probably come help me.

I want to protest, say that’s not his job, but it’s not mine either.

I really fucking hate this.

BLAKE: Let’s see if we can find a lawyer to look at your contract. This no fraternization thing really bugs me.

ROWAN: It’ll cost a lot of money. Let’s just get through the playoffs, okay? Then we can reassess over the summer.

BLAKE: I can pay for it—I got a nice bonus for winning the first round.

ROWAN: Let’s talk about it later, okay? I have to go, our food just got here. But I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.

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