Page 90 of Playoff

“No, it just… I mean… shit.” She takes a shaky breath. “It’s sosoon, Blake.”

“It’s not. We took a really long, unplanned break, but I never stopped loving you. That’s all there is to it. We can psychoanalyze, discuss the intricacies of emotions, maturity,and everything else, but at the end of the day it all boils down to the same thing. I love you, and I’m pretty sure you love me.”

She nods rapidly, more tears filling her eyes.

Obviously, saying the words is going to be harder for her than it was for me, but that’s okay. I’m a patient guy. Technically, I’ve been waiting almost ten years. A few more days or weeks won’t make that much of a difference.

“Tell me why you’re crying,” I say gently, reaching for her hands and holding them with both of mine.

“Because I do feel what you feel, but I don’t know how this is going to work. It’s almost like we’re falling into a little bit of the same pattern again… where I have to make a huge sacrifice for us to be together.”

Because of the no fraternization clause.

That whole thing really pisses me off since players don’t have anything like that in their contracts, so it seems unfair that they have it for the support staff. Especially since it makes Ms. Barrowman a hypocrite, which is out of character for her in my experience.

“I don’t want you to sacrifice anything,” I say firmly.

“That’s what you said last time too, and it turned out you just wanted the freedom to sleep with other women.”

I sigh.

I knew this might be a thing going forward, that the past would come up, but that’s on me. This time around I have to show her that’s not who I am anymore, that I’ve changed. That the thing I want most is to make her happy.

“Rowan, I was an idiot back then. I swear to you, everything is different now.I’mdifferent now. I just need a chance to prove it.”

“I’ve been giving you a chance but now things are so complicated…”

“I know, but if we love each other, we’ll get through it. I promise, we’ll find a way. I just don’t know what it is yet.”

“I need a little more time before I’m ready to…fully commit,” she says softly. “Can you give me the time to wrap my head around everything? How fast we’re moving and how to work through the trauma from the past? I’ve forgiven you, truly, and I do share your feelings, but I need a little more time to get comfortable with them. I want to be emotionally healthy before we take things to the next level. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I don’t want to bring baggage to our relationship. If we’re going to do this again, it has to be the right way. Because if we do it a second time, there won’t be a third—it’s forever or nothing.”

Forever.

I really like the sound of that.

“Take as much time as you need,” I say easily. “I’m not going anywhere. And I’m going to keep saying that until you believe it.”

“It’s not about what you say,” she whispers. “You have to show me. You have to be here. With me, for me, supporting me. Because I love my job, just like you do, and I don’t want to have to quit.”

“I don’t want you to. That’s why I talked about having an attorney look at the contract. We have options. As long as you want to try, I know we can find our way forward.”

“Let’s get through the playoffs,” she says. “Can you give me until this season ends to get my head on straight?”

“However long it takes, baby. I’ll be right here.” I squeeze her hand.

“Thank you.” She moves into my arms, and I hold her tightly.

I need to come clean about the opportunity in Boston, but this isn’t the time. I can feel it in my gut; she won’t react well. She’s already teetering on the edge of confusion, unsure whether I’m the man she needs me to be, and until she’s fully committed, I need to make things as simple as possible—for both of us.

We losegame five in Vegas, so now we’re down again, three games to two. Luckily, we’re heading back to L.A. where the hometown energy will hopefully guide us into tying up the series. However, it was the first game of the playoffs where I had no points at all. No goals, no assists, no penalty minutes, nothing.

Deep down, I know some of the pressure is getting to me.

It’s more convoluted than that, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it boils down to.

My parents are still in town, determined to stick around through the end of the series, even though Phoebe had to go home to go back to work. Dad isn’t allowed in the locker room or family lounge after the games anymore, which has become a bone of contention for him, but he did it to himself.

Meanwhile, Rowan’s dad is still here as well, essentially keeping us apart other than our night in Vegas.

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