Page 51 of Playoff

“I thinkthatwould count as fraternization,” I say as lightly as I can.

“You’re probably right. But it sure would be fun.”

I can’t even argue the point.

Because it would.

Sex with Blake was always fun.

Always satisfying.

Something I can’t say about the other men I’ve been with since him.

“Do you ever think about… us?” he asks, his voice so quiet it’s a little hard to hear.

“Sometimes, I guess,” I admit.

Why lie?

We were together a long time, even though we were young. We were each other’s first everything. Maybe not kissing, but intercourse, oral, all the serious stuff.

And we did it all.

We had no idea what we were doing, but we did it anyway. At least, the things we knew about.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” I ask after a moment.

And he knows exactly what I mean.

“No. Not even close.”

“Then why?” I ask. “Why did you have to… throw away what we had?”

“Because I had to know what else was out there. I had to be sure you were the one.”

“By sleeping with other women?”

“Sleeping with them, talking to them, getting to know them. All I knew was you. And by the time I realized there would never be anyone better, anyone I could love more, it was too late.”

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck.

I don’t know what he’s trying to say, but it is too late.

Isn’t it?

“Ro?”

“Hmm?” I turn to find him leaning over, so close we’re almost touching.

“I want to kiss you.”

And I want that too.

So much it almost hurts.

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