Page 24 of Playoff

“I’m not used to being the sole care provider for an entire hockey team,” I say. “I’m a little sore. Nothing major.”

“Don’t overdo it,” he warns.

“I won’t.” I pause as I get out my room key. “Did you, uh, need something?”

“Yeah… I wanted to apologize for what happened at dinner. And I was wondering if we could talk.”

My gaze lifts to his.

And I hesitate.

Because I need this. Want it.

I’m just not sure if the outcome will be what I’m hoping for. Mostly because I don’tknowwhat I’m hoping for.

“I was thinking the same thing. Come on in.” I open the door and walk in ahead of him.

He sinks into a chair by the desk while I grab a latex glove from my duffel, fill it with ice, and put it to my shoulder. Then I kick off my shoes and sit on the edge of the bed.

“You want to go first?”

He smiles. “Sure. I just want to reiterate that I’m serious about that thing at dinner. Bodi and I live together. We’ve been friends a long time. He knows our history, and he said something about it to a couple of the guys. Just busting my chops, the way good friends do, he wasn’t being inappropriate. Or, you know, not much.” He studies my face. “Anyway, I told him and the other guys to knock it off, that it was ancient history, and I thought that was the end of it.”

“But someone couldn’t resist gossiping, and I guess Donnie heard about it.” I wave a hand. “I was annoyed at first, but it is ancient history.” I pause. “Right?”

“I’d like to think we’ve moved on, but the truth is, we were each other’s first everything. I don’t think it’s that easy to forget your first.”

“Like I told you before, I haven’tforgottenanything. But I’ve certainly moved on with my life. Just as I’m sure you have.”

“Of course.” He meets my gaze. “But if I’m honest, I’ve always felt a little bad about the way things went down. I never would have flaunted what I was doing in your face like that. I wouldn’t have done that if I’d known you were coming…”

“I wanted to surprise you,” I murmur. “Thinking maybe you missed me as much as I missed you, that we didn’t need a break. But I wound up being the one surprised.”

“I know. And I’m genuinely sorry for that.”

“Wewereon a break,” I say after a moment, “but I guess I didn’t think you were already sleeping around. Especially not withChristy Lorne.”

He grimaces.

“I was eighteen,” he says after a moment. “I didn’t even remember that you had history with her. Until I saw the look on your face. Hockey and partying and sex were all I was thinking about.”

“That’s kind of what I don’t understand,” I admit. “We had tons of sex. All the time. Wasn’t that enough? Wasn’tIenough?” I know how insecure and vulnerable I sound, but if we’re going to have this conversation, I might as well go for broke and get answers to all the questions that have plagued me over the years.

“Oh, hell, babe, you were more than enough, but I was an immature asshole who was sure there was something better out there. Maybe not in a girlfriend, but in bed. I had to find out. It had nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do. That’s part of why I wanted us to take a break, so I could figure shit out. It wasn’t the best way to go about it, but that was my teenage mindset.”

He looks incredibly sincere, effectively letting the wind out of my sails.

I’d been young too.

And clingy.

Insecure.

Desperate to keep him close to me.

We’d both made mistakes.

“I wasn’t blameless,” I say thoughtfully. “I was so afraid of losing you, so afraid that all those girls in school were right that you were too good for me, I was probably a pain in the ass.”

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