Page 105 of Playoff

She has a lot to be proud of.

Me, not so much.

I’m going back to Phoenix with my tail between my legs.

At least, that’s how it feels right now.

Tomorrow I might feel differently, but right now, there’s nothing but disappointment, frustration, and… pain.

The worst part is—I don’t know what hurts the most… losing the game or losing Rowan.

THIRTY-THREE

Rowan

It’s beentwo days since we lost game seven to the Sidewinders, and yesterday the guys all cleaned out their lockers. I opted to take the day off, saying I had some personal things to take care of. Instead, I’m here today, cleaning up for summer and packing up my office.

Dad and I are planning to go hiking in Vancouver in July, and one of my friends from college is coming out to spend a week in June, so the summer will go by relatively quickly. I’ll spend some time at home in Minnesota with Dad, but I haven’t decided when yet. Mostly, I want to decompress and process what happened between Blake and me.

I’m disappointed that the Phantoms lost, but it really doesn’t impact me too much. My job is secure and my paycheck is the same, though HR did reach out to say there would be bonuses for all support staff, which is nice. Harper has been incredibly generous this season—our Christmas bonus was epic—so I’m excited to be getting extra money I can use for fun.

Most of it will go in savings, but I try to take twenty percent to blow on non-essential things. It might be time for a new designer bag. I don’t do my nails or wear a lot of makeup, but I enjoy expensive purses, so I’ll most likely indulge in something along those lines.

It won’t make me stop missing Blake but it’s the first step toward healing.

Well, that’s what I’m telling myself but I have no idea how I’m going to get over him. So far, I’ve cried myself to sleep every night. We had almost four years as teenagers and then one month as adults, and it feels like nothing will ever be the same. I can’t explain it, but the loss is so much more poignant than I thought it would be.

It took everything I had not to throw my arms around him when the Sidewinders scored in game seven. He looked… defeated. Not just by the Sidewinders, but by life, and I can’t figure out why. I can’t imagine Coach Vanek won’t bring him on to the Phantoms. He had the most points in the playoffs, one more than Canyon Marks, who makes around eight million a year. Canyon is the superstar Harper brought in to lead this team to victory, yet in the playoffs it was Blake who shone the brightest.

As angry and hurt as I am, I know he’s made the team.

Which is why the breakup was the right thing to do.

We can’t be together if he’s here, so there really was no point in coming up with a plan. He deserves his hockey pot of gold, just like I deserve mine. Unfortunately, we can’t have our careersandeach other.

And I can’t be with a guy who keeps things from me.

It just doesn’t work for me.

“Rowan. There you are.” I turn at the sound of Gene’s voice.

“Gene!” I reach out and hug him. “Hi! What are you doing here?”

“We wanted to talk to you together.” I didn’t notice Harper until she spoke.

“Oh. Hello.” I suddenly get a bad feeling in my gut.

“I’ve decided to come back,” Gene says quietly. “For maybe two or three years, tops. I’m just not ready to retire, Rowan. I hope you understand.”

I can’t think of anything to say.

I’m not mad—I love working with him—but it’s just another disappointment in a week of disappointments.

“But I don’t want you to think this is a reflection of the job you did,” Harper adds quickly. “You were amazing in the playoffs. The guys couldn’t have done it without you. And you were a great mentor to Sunny.”

“Oh. Uh, thank you.” There’s a scratchiness behind my eyes that I can’t explain.

Fuck.

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