Page 76 of Devoted

I couldn’t let him see me like this. Not yet.

Fortunately, Zeke seemed to once again sense exactly what I needed. He approached me, stopping a foot away. “I’ll leave you alone now, Sam, but I’m just on the other side of this wall. If you need me, just shout. Or text. Hell, you can tap on the wall if you like.”

I nodded once, already knowing that wouldn’t be happening.

“I mean it, Sam. Whatever it is you need—food, drink, or just company. I’ll be here like a shot.”

The tears were threatening to slip free. I didn’t look up at him. I couldn’t.

There was a long pause. In my peripheral vision, I could see Zeke’s hands in fists.

‘See. You’ve upset him already. This is never going to work.’

‘You should leave now. Just go. What’s the point in staying?’

My feet were glued to the carpet, all my limbs frozen.

Zeke came closer, brushing his lips over my temple. “Goodnight, Sam. Let me know if you need me.”

He pulled away abruptly, his footsteps clipped as he stalked for the door.

The first tear slipped free as the door closed behind him.

‘Don’t let him hear you. He’ll make you go. No one wants you here, anyway.’

I couldn’t leave, but I couldn’t ignore my thoughts any longer. They were clawing through my brain, shoving all my emotions down as they demanded all my attention.

Stumbling for the bathroom, I went inside and shut the door behind me. My hands were shaking so hard it took me three attempts to flick the lock.

I didn’t take in the furnishings beyond the shower and the bath.

The bath.

I flicked on the shower to drown out any noise. I wasn’t going to shower, the very thought of taking my clothes off and getting wet was more than I could handle right now.

The sound was useful though. It soothed me, the white noise of it just the right level to be a balm rather than an irritant. Plus, it would drown out any noise I made.

Kicking off my shoes, I climbed over the side of the bath and lowered myself down. The ceramic was cold where it met my skin, making me shiver. But it was okay.

This was better.

With the bath surrounding me, I felt secure. Safe. Contained.

Finally, I gave in. I opened the gates and let the emotions free. I let myself feel everything I’d been suppressing. The frustration. The fear. The confusion. The overstimulation.

I let it all go.

And, alone in that bathroom, I wept.

16

Ezekiel

Sam was crying.

There were two walls between us. Three doors. A shower running.

But I could still hear him.

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