Page 34 of Devoted

I blew out a breath. It felt like we’d been dancing around this for weeks now, neither of us fully acknowledging it.

‘If you tell him, it’ll scare him off for good.’

Fuck it. For once, I was going to say exactly what I wanted. “Like meeting you.”

The silence that followed was so long that I ended up saying, “Zeke?”

“I’m here.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry. Was just trying to think how to respond.”

“It’s okay.” Fuck. I shouldn’t have said anything.. “Like I said, I can’t do that, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Why can’t you do it? Shit, do you have a boyfriend?”

I laughed bitterly. “No, Zeke, no boyfriend. I’m very single.”

“Good.” Was that a sigh of relief? “What’s the problem then?”

“The problem is that you don’t know the real me. If you did, you wouldn’t be spending hours on the phone with me every day and night.”

“Are you saying you’ve not been honest about yourself?”

“No, of course I have.”

Zeke continued to fire questions at me. “Have you lied about anything in your life?”

“No, but?—”

“Have you pretended to be someone you’re not?”

“Well, no?—”

“Then I don’t see the issue.” I could almost hear Zeke’s shrug over the phone. “You’ve been yourself, and there’s nothing about you I don’t like.”

“That’s because you’ve only heard about my OCD through what I’ve told you,” I whispered. “Hearing about it and experiencing it are two different things.”

“Sam…” Zeke sighed. “Look, I’m not good at the whole words thing.”

I smiled despite myself. “You’ve always been pretty good at it with me.”

“It’s easy with you. Trust me, I’m known for having a habit of saying the wrong thing or choosing the wrong path. The last thing I want to do is upset or offend you.”

“Don’t worry about that. Please.” I swallowed, my eyes burning. “I’m tired of people tiptoeing around me when they learn about my illness.”

“Okay, then I’ll be honest. Nothing you’ve told me scares me. You can’t help having OCD any more than I can help having red hair.”

Oh fuck me, this wasn’t going to help my delusions. “You’re a redhead?”

“With the temper to match,” Zeke said darkly. “But my point is, it’s part of you. And I likeyou,Sam. All of you. I can’t see how meeting you would change that.”

Maybe, just maybe, he could be different. Maybe you don’t have to be alone.“Do you want to? Meet me, I mean?”

Zeke groaned. I should’ve been disappointed, but I was too busy imagining other scenarios where he might make a noise like that. Ones where he sank deep inside me. Or wrapped his hand around both our cocks.

“I do,” Zeke said finally. “But I can’t.”

My fantasies vanished into the night. “You can’t.”

“No. I’m sorry, Sam.”

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