Page 30 of Devoted

“Nothing,” I muttered, continuing with my workout. “I’m fine.”

“You know I don’t believe that, right? You’ve never been one to hide your emotions. It’s one of the best things about you—we always know how you’re feeling. And right now you’re wearing the same expression you had a few years ago when Theo replaced your shampoo with hair removal cream.”

I racked the bar, then sat up and faced Rami. “He’s such a fucking twat sometimes. It took ages to grow back.”

“As far as I know, neither he nor Nate have done anything today, so spill. What’s going on?”

I studied my friend in silence, trying to decide what, if anything, to tell him. I could tell him about my run-in with Nox. That might be enough to get him to leave me alone.

It’d be a lie though. While I was irritated by my behaviour and dreading the apology I knew I was going to have to make, that wasn’t the cause of my bad mood. And, while I couldn’t talk to Nox about it, if I was going to open up to anyone, it’d be Rami.

The longer I was silent, the more impatient Rami became. He crossed his arms, the muscles in his biceps popping. Rami looked good and he knew it. Like me, it wasn’t his appearance stopping him getting laid.

It was his habit of only being interested in people who were already taken.

Between the two of us, we were in a dry spell to rival the Sahara. If we didn’t find our mates soon, it’d likely continue until we were just dry, shrivelled husks. Up until recently, I hadn’t minded the idea of finding the person I was fated to be with. I wasn’t actively looking for them, figuring they deserved a lot better than being lumbered with me for eternity, but I wouldn’t have been upset if they’d made an appearance.

Now though? I couldn’t think of anything worse. Finding my fated mate meant cutting things off with Sam.

I hadn’t been ready to do that when it had just been words on a screen. Now that I knew how he sounded when he laughed?The lazy drawl he had when he teased me? The quiet sleepiness that had crept in as the night had gone on?

I wasn’t ready to give Sam up.

Equally though, I didn’t want to drag this thing out knowing it was going to end with his heart being broken. I didn’t know what this thing evenwas,but what I did know was that I was powerless to stop it. Speaking to Sam had made me feel calmer than I had in centuries. With him, I didn’t need to think about keeping a close watch on my temper in case he provoked me. I could relax. Properly relax.

The whole point of me playing this game had been to try and find something outside of the unit. Something that would make me happy.

Never in my wildest dreams had I thought it’d happen.

It couldn’t last though. There was an end date. Once I met my fated mate, I wouldn’t be able to resist the pull for long. It didn’t matter how I felt about Sam or how happy talking to him made me—he wasn’t who fate intended for me. I knew from watching Micah and Nox that you could only resist your mate for so long before your instincts took over.

It wouldn’t be fair to my mate if my heart was already elsewhere. And it certainly wouldn’t be fair to Sam.

I knew all of this, but it didn’t change the fact that I’d stayed up half the night chatting with him, hanging up only when he was punctuating his sentences with yawns. Nor did it change the fact that we’d exchanged phone numbers and started texting instead.

I’d been holding on to the game as an excuse as to why I needed to speak to him. Now that we’d moved away from that platform, I couldn’t hide behind it any longer.

Basically, I didn’t want to stop talking to Sam, but I also didn’t want to hurt him. Quite frankly, I didn’t fancy breakingmy own heart either. I’d watched Micah go through it, and it wasn’t something I felt the need to experience.

I was caught between a rock and a hard place, torn between my baseless, selfish desires and what I knew was the right thing to do.

That’s the thing about angels. We’re supposed to bebetter.To be upstanding, moral citizens who always choose the greater good.

The truth was that we were just as driven by desire, lust, and the need to be loved as anyone else.

I hadn’t slept after hanging up with Sam. His question about what we were doing had kept circling like a merry-go-round in my head. I didn’t have an answer, but I felt like I should have. But as I’d lain on my bed and stared at the ceiling, nothing had presented itself. In an ideal world, I’d keep Sam in my life as a friend. That way, nothing would need to change if my fated mate appeared on the scene.

That would’ve worked fine if I could keep it appropriate…but I couldn’t seem to help myself. Flirting with Sam was as natural as blinking.

And from how he responded, he felt the same way.

By the time the sun had risen, my mood had been darker and more fiery than a portal to Hell. Bitching at Nox hadn’t helped, nor had coming to the gym.

Maybe opening up to Rami would.

I tried to smile at him, but from how his lips twitched, I didn’t think I succeeded. “Fancy going for a drink?”

Before we left the compound, I’d made sure to track down Nox and apologise. Thoroughly. Nox had given me a bit more shit but accepted it far quicker than I’d been expecting. For a demon, he wasn’t half bad.

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