Page 183 of Devoted

“You truly like it? That level of protectiveness?”

I turned to see Benji eyeing me intensely.

“I do. It shows he loves and cares about me. To be honest, I haven’t seen much love in my life, so I’ll take everything Zeke can throw at me.”

Benji’s brow furrowed as he stared into the trees, his mind somewhere else.

“Why?” I couldn’t stop myself asking.

Benji cleared his throat, shifting on his feet. “Because Zeke’s obsession is a fraction of what I’m capable of. I don’t know if I’d be able to hold myself back with my mate.”

I touched his arm lightly. “Then don’t.”

“What if I suffocate them?” Benji didn’t attempt to hide his fear. “What if my kind of love is too much?”

My chest ached. I understood exactly where he was coming from. “If he’s your fated mate, isn’t he supposed to be your other half? Aren’t you meant to be designed for each other?”

Benji nodded slowly.

“Then I don’t think you need to worry,” I said simply. “Maybe your mate needs your kind of love, just as I need Zeke’s. Just…be upfront with him. Don’t try to hide or change yourself, Benji. You deserve to be loved, exactly as you are.”

Benji’s eyes were bright as they met mine. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

“Don’t thank me.” My gaze snapped to my mate, who was striding back towards us. “Zeke’s the one who taught me that about myself. Figured the least I can do is make sure you know it too.”

As important as this conversation was, it wasn’t why I’d wanted to speak to Benji. Wanting to do this before Zeke got back had me speaking fast. “Benji, I truly don’t blame you for compelling me. In fact, I want to thank you.”

Benji’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“Thank you,” I said. “None of them fully understand what it’s like to have a brain that works differently, but you do. You knew it was easier to compel me than to let me fight that battle alone. I know it didn’t work how you wanted it to, but I’m glad you tried. I don’t blame you, Benji, so please stop blaming yourself.”

Benji exhaled, his spine straightening like a weight had been lifted. “Thanks, Sam. I think we’re going to be good friends.”

I grinned at him. “I’d like that.”

Something I hadn’t considered when agreeing to move in with Zeke was how to transport my Lego.

“I might have to break them down,” I said mournfully. I was sat on the floor of my former living room, staring at the many sets around the room. “They took me ages to build.”

“It does suck, but it’s not like you’re on a time limit,” Zeke said, taping up another box. “You’re going to live for many more millennia if I get my way. Plenty of time for Lego building.”

Two weeks had passed since that day with Gloria. A fortnight full of sex, peace, and laughter. Living with the Seraphim was so far removed from what I’d experienced with previous housemates. They took my needs into consideration before I’d even realised what was happening.

The harsh lighting in the kitchen had been switched out for lower wattage bulbs. Antibacterial soap had appeared at every sink. The push lid bin had been replaced with a foot pedal one.

Zeke especially was taking care of me. Everything from making sure my meds were stocked, carrying a set of Loops, to being ready with a duvet, Zeke was there.

They were little things, but they meant the fucking world to me. I didn’t expect anyone to live according to the rules that my OCD arbitrarily laid out, but the idea that they were going out of their way to make me feel comfortable? To try and minimise my triggers so it was one less thing to deal with?

That was everything.

I grumbled, getting to my feet. Zeke was right, but I’d built most of them during a period of hyperfixation. Who knew when that would come around again?

Dr. Tyler’s kind but firm words floated through my mind.

“Remember, nothing is set or finite, regardless of what your brain tells you. OCD thrives on‘what ifs.’You need to starve it by embracing uncertainty.”

I’d had four Zoom appointments with my new therapist. As Zeke had suspected, Benji had known exactly who to put me in touch with. Dr Tyler was based in Southampton. Even better, one of his specialisms was ERP.

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