Page 116 of Devoted

Fractured sentences rattled in my ears as I raced up the stairs.

Panic attack…On the floor…Crying…Leaving to hide in the suite…Refusing to open up for anyone…

I should’ve been here.

I should have been here.

Screeching to a halt in front of the door to the suite, I forced myself to stop and remember Benji’s final words.

“Don’t go in there demanding answers. He’ll be feeling vulnerable and prone to another attack.”

Thank fuck for the research Benji had been doing. Not only had he known how to help ground Sam during the attack, but he knew enough to give me that warning.

Benji had already agreed to teach me everything he knew. When this next happened, I would be here. I’d be the onecalming him down. Promising him he was okay. That nothing would ever hurt him.

That I’d never allow it.

Taking a deep breath, I quietly opened the door and entered the suite. A dark, empty room greeted me. The two bedroom doors stood open, revealing empty mattresses. Where was he?

I could have used my power to find him, but equally I didn’t want to startle him. “Sam?”

“In here.”

Following his voice to his bathroom, I paused in the doorway. Sam was lying in the bathtub, fully dressed. No water. He was also shivering slightly.

I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that.

“Hey, baby.” I kept my voice quiet as I approached him, lowering myself to my knees beside the bath. “How are you doing?”

Sam’s swollen, reddened eyes were downcast. “I fucked up, Zeke. I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t fuck up, and there’s nothing you need to apologise for.”

His nostrils flared, but still he didn’t look at me. “Oh yeah? Maybe you haven’t heard the whole story then. First I smashed a glass. Then I yelled at Noah and Theo. Then, to top it all off, I fucking lay down right in the middle of the kitchen. Who does that?”

I considered my approach. This wasn’t Sam talking, it was his OCD. “Can I touch you?”

Sam nodded, staring down at his hands, clasped tight in his lap.

With his permission given, I rested my hand on the back of his neck. My thumb stroked soothing lines along the side. Sam relaxed slightly, his chest expanding as he inhaled deeply.

“From what I’ve heard, that’s not quite how it happened.”

Sam’s hands parted, opening and closing rhythmically. “I broke a glass.”

“By accident.”

“I yelled at Noah.”

“Because he wasn’t listening to what you’d said.”

Sam’s brow furrowed. I could almost hear his brain trying to contradict me. “I yelled at Theo too.”

“You were triggered,” I said, squeezing his neck gently. “While your reactions might not have made sense to them, they do to me. It was your way of trying to protect them.”

Sam gave a choked sob. “I made a fucking fool of myself, Zeke. They must hate me.”

Enough. That was enough of his OCD taking charge. It was my turn now. “Sam, look at me.”

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