Page 22 of Devoted

Today was one of those days.

It took me a few minutes to centre my breathing. I had a choice. I could let my compulsions continue to dictate my day.

Or I could confront my fear and open the laptop.

Getting to my feet was harder than it should’ve been. With every step I took to my bedroom, I spoke facts into the silent air around me.

“Staying busy isn’t going to affect the outcome of my friendship with Zeke.”

I climbed the stairs.

“Not checking the chat isn’t going to change what will happen.”

I crossed the landing.

“I can’t control Zeke’s reactions. I can only control my own.”

My hand was on the door now.

“If this is the end of our friendship, everything will be okay.”

That wasn’t a fact, but I wished it was. Maybe then I’d be able to believe it.

Inhaling deeply, I shoved the door open and strode over to my desk. I didn’t allow myself to pause or overthink, opening my laptop briskly.

The screen came to life, our chat appearing immediately. My heart leapt into my throat as I saw not one, but many messages from Zeke. All sent at about five this morning.

Zeke

I’m not sorry you said it

like I said, it’s hot

I’m not picturing you though

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to skip over the disappointment and move on to the next message.

Zeke

but that’s because I don’t know what you look like

and I have a fucking terrible imagination

I could picture someone wearing a grey mailing bag on their head? That could work.

I didn’t realise I was laughing until the sound hit my ears. It was like all my thoughts and anxieties were inside a balloon, and instead of letting it float free and hoping it wouldn’t make its way back to me, Zeke had taken out a needle and popped it. The fears evaporated like they’d never existed in the first place.

See? All that worry for nothing. If you’d checked your laptop this morning, you wouldn’t have wasted your day cleaning.

I ignored how true that was and focused on replying to Zeke.

Sam

I do have a lot of mailing bags here, so I can make that happen

The instant I hit send, Zeke appeared online. Did he have notifications set up to let him know? Or did he just have some uncanny sixth sense?

Zeke

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