Page 151 of Devoted

It refused to let me accept it fully though. That was what had me holding my tongue, all through the day. The rest of the evening. As I fell asleep on Zeke’s broad chest.

‘If you don’t know the answer, you don’t need to make a decision.’

Bit of a bitch when the compulsion was to do nothing at all. Made it easier to follow, which meant my OCD always won.

Fucking thing.

After the sleepy frotting session Zeke had promised, he’d washed me in the shower once again. He did so lazily, pausing to kiss me every now and then. He was acting like we had all the time in the world.

Which, if my brain didn’t fuck this up for us, I guessed we did.

Everything was okay until after breakfast the next day. That was when Zeke fixed me with a look I knew meant business. “Sure you don’t have any other questions?”

“Nope,” I lied, giving him a wide smile. “None.”

Zeke rolled his eyes. “See, if I didn’t know you were lying before, that smile would’ve given it away.”

I let it fade. “What’s wrong with my smile?”

“It’s your fake one. The one you plaster on when you’re uncomfortable but pretending you’re not.”

I groaned, letting my head fall back against the sofa. “Can’t believe you can already tell when I’m masking.”

Zeke’s brows furrowed. “What’s masking?”

“It’s something people with neurodivergent or some mental health conditions do,” I explained. “You put on a front so no one knows you’re struggling. It’s called masking because that’s what you’re doing—putting on a mask. It just happens to be the socially acceptable face that people expect from you.”

Zeke thumbed at my lip. “You don’t do that with me usually.”

It wasn’t a question, and it didn’t need to be. He knew the answer. “You make me feel comfortable enough to be myself.”

He hummed, grabbing the back of my neck and tugging until I was close enough for him to kiss. “I think that’s the highest compliment I’ve ever been paid.”

“Then I need to compliment you more often.”

“Why are you doing it now though?” Zeke kept his grip on my neck, but leaned back so he could search my eyes. “What’s gotyou worrying so much that you feel like you have to hide it from me?”

It wasn’t fair to keep this from him, not when he’d been so upfront about everything these past twenty-four hours. “I’m worried about becoming your mate.”

Hurt flickered in his eyes. “Do you not want to be my mate?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

‘Don’t say it. He probably hasn’t thought about losing interest in you. If you put the thought in his head, it’ll definitely happen.’

“Don’t listen to your OCD, Sam.” Zeke said firmly. “Listen to me. Talk to me, baby. What are you worried about?”

‘Don’t do it. Don’t say it.’

“I’m afraid you’ll get bored of me,” I blurted out. “Or that you’ll start to resent me. You’re okay with everything I need now, but what if that changes? What if I get worse? What if how you love me changes over time?”

“Come here, Sam.” Zeke patted his leg. “I think we’ll both find this conversation easier if we’re holding each other.”

It should’ve been ridiculous, a man my size sitting on his lap, but it wasn’t. It helped that he was bigger than I was. As soon as his arms wrapped around me, my head against his neck, my racing heart began to slow.

“Okay, I’m going to try not to be insulted by what you said,” Zeke said quietly, “because I know it’s your OCD fuelling your fears and insecurities, but I’m never going to get tired of you. I will nevereverresent you. If you get worse, that’s okay. I love you, Sam. For better or worse. I’m fully aware that you’re going to have good days and bad, and I want to be at your side for all of them.”

---