Page 44 of Conflicted

He pulled out carefully but still didn’t move. I shoved at him, this time using my full strength. Nox staggered back several steps. When he looked at me this time, there was nothing there but loathing. “Been holding back on me, little angel?”

I didn’t answer him, focusing on getting my bottomhalf dressed as quickly as possible. I needed to get out of there. I needed to get away from this man who confused everything for me. Back to the compound. To the unit. To where everything made sense.

“You know, I don’t know why I’m surprised.” The bitterness in his tone had me twisting to face him. He was staring at the clouds above us, his hands in his pockets. “You’re exactly what I’ve been raised to believe angels are. Cold. Ruthless. Uncaring. You just take what you need while never thinking of others.”

His accusations hit me like daggers. I wanted to scream that no, that wasn’t me. But how could I? That would be showing him the version of myself I was trying to hide.

He couldn’t break me if he didn’t know me.

“I don’t even want you,” he said hopelessly. “Why fate thought we’d be a match is beyond me.”

While he stared at the sky like he thought it’d give him an answer, I drank in the sight of him. Of yet another man who didn’t want me.

And he was right—we couldn’t be a match. Stupidly, I’d thought it was because we were too different. That our worlds would never mesh. That Heaven would end me for even considering it.

I should’ve realised it was more personal than that. Nox didn’t wantme.

That was okay. It wasn’t like he knew the real version of me.

He never would.

Finally, I found my voice. I used it to nail shut the coffin Nox had shoved us into. “And you’re exactly as I believed demons to be. Cruel. Selfish. Uncaring.”

He finally met my eyes, his flames replaced by ice. “We have that last one incommon.”

My wings slid through the back of my shirt. I needed to go before I said something I’d regret. Something about how not caring wasn’t my problem. My issue was that I cared too much.

I wasn’t adding another name to my roster…especially not one who’d made it clear he’d never want me.

I launched into the sky without another word, my wings beating furiously, taking me away from him as fast as possible, even as half of me pleaded to return.

It wasn’t as loud as the other half of me though—the half that knew I had to protect my heart. Because, as much as I told Nox we couldn’t be together, that we wouldn’t work, there was the buried side of me that I couldn’t ignore. That part of me hoped maybe he’d be different. That he’d be the one to see the real me, and still want me.

That maybe he’d want me enough to fight for me, even if his opponent was my own stubbornness.

Yes, that was despicably unfair. After all, I’d told Nox we’d never be together. It wasn’t on him to fight for us, that was something we were both supposed to do. I’d been just as cruel to him as he had to me, if not more so.

That didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I don’t even want you.”

That’s okay Nox. No one ever does.

That’s not true,I reassured myself, landing on the roof of the compound.The Seraphim want you. They need you.

My sentiment was proven right when the front door was flung open, revealing a scowling Ezekiel. “Where the fuck have you been? We’ve been asked to pay a visit to a jaguar clan up north. They’ve been testing their borders again.”

Nate peered over his shoulder. “Micah? I’ve got Mirabel from upstairs on the phone for you.”

“Is he finally back?” Benji’s voice echoed from deep in the house. “Don’t let him leave before I’ve got his signatures.”

I fixed a smile on my face as I made a list in my head of what to deal with first.

See? It was fine. Plenty of people needed me. They wanted my skills and knowledge.

It was enough.

I managed to believe that through the next few hours, all the way up until Ezekiel and I took to the skies, heading to the Jaguar Clan.

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