Page 69 of Conflicted

Hopefully the burden would be easier to carry, knowing that we’d helped. Normally we stood to one side, silent witnesses to whatever tragedy was unfolding. Knowing we couldn’t help, but wanting to all the same. Our souls had been torn so many times, yet not once had it occurred to us that we could just ignore our orders. That saving innocent lives should come above what we’d been instructed to do.

We’d been operating as a unit for millennia, and not once had I questioned whether that was a rule we should break. It said a lot about my character that the only times Ihaddisobeyed orders were to fight for Dimitri.

I’d hesitated, but Nox hadn’t.

How was it that they were supposed to be the evil ones?

Ezekiel, unsurprisingly, was the one who kicked off the interrogation. “Why did you call us to help?”

I fixed him with a steely glare. “Are you saying we should’ve let the humans die?”

His cheeks flushed. “Of course not, but that’s never been a consideration before.”

Rami cleared his throat. “I think what Ezekiel is trying to say is that we’re…confused. We’re happy to help, and we’ll always follow your orders, but we don’t understand why.”

Theo added his thoughts. “Like, whenever we went into Hell, that was to help Dimitri in some way, so that made sense. And I’m happy that we did help. It’s always sat wrong with me that we’re supposed to just watch humans die when we know damned well that we can help them.”

“Preach,” Nate said. “We’re all down to assist in situations like this, but maybe you should tell us why. We especially don’t know why there were demons working alongside us.”

I sighed. They were right, they deserved to know.

I thought for a long time before I spoke, choosing my words carefully. “Someone told me it was the right thing to do. That sometimes we have to disobey orders and choose to do what’s right. And I looked in their eyes, and realised I couldn’t disagree. Helping is always going to be the right path to choose; standing by while others suffer isn’t. Humans would be cast to Hell for doing what we do, so why are we expected to do it? It doesn’t make any sense.”

I bit my lip. “As for why the demons were there? They wanted to help. Unlike me, they didn’t question whether it was right or not, they just jumped right in to do whatneeded to be done. Given the scale of the disaster, I’m nothing but grateful that they were present.”

A stunned silence went around the table. Only Benji looked unsurprised, tapping his fingers against his thumb in a quiet rhythm.

“Okay.” Ezekiel rubbed his forehead. “Ignoring the fact that what we did today is bound to result in some sort of punishment?—”

I cut him off firmly. “That’s not something you need to worry about.”

“But is it somethingyouneed to worry about?”

I frowned down the table at Rami. “What do you mean?”

Rami pursed his lips. “Well we’ve broken the rules a lot lately. After each time, you disappear for a few days.”

My heart leapt into my throat. “I’ve had to explain the reasons why we’ve done what we have, but it’s always fine. So long as they know the motive behind our behaviour and can understand it, they let it pass.”

Rami wasn’t done. “Maybe I’d believe that if you weren’t so quiet whenever you come back. I know we’ve all noticed it.”

A quiet murmur went around the table. Nate spoke up. “Is there something going on, Micah? Something you need to tell us?”

“Because if there is, we want to help you,” Theo added, clenching his fist on the table. “We look after our own, and that includes you.”

The murmur of assent was louder now, making fear flood me. There was nothing they could do to help me except get themselves hung beside me in those cells. Or worse, executed. There was no fucking way I was allowing it.

I smoothed my emotions away, pulling on the persona I knew they’d respond to. “Nothing is going on. If there’s something to tell you, then you can trust that’ll happen. Thank you all for your assistance. You can rest assured that nothing more will come of it.”

My hard gaze swept over my brethren, noting every emotion there. Confusion. Irritation. Doubt. Annoyance.

None of them believed me, but they knew better than to push me. One by one, they left the room silently, until it was only me, Ez, and Benji remaining.

Ezekiel waited until the door closed behind Rami before speaking. “Thesomeonewho told you it was the right thing to do…was it Nox?”

My shoulders slumped. “Yes.”

Ez sighed, once more rubbing at his forehead. My lips twitched. If my second continued this way, he’d be as big a bag of nerves as I was. “I thought the two of you were just fucking.”

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