Page 51 of Conflicted

“They better do.” Rami scuffed the floor with his toe, an uncharacteristic scowl on his face. “Every bloke who catches my eye seems to be tied down. I’m more than ready to meet the one who’s meant to be mine.”

I steadied my breathing so as not to give away the frustration ripping at me. I wanted to tell Rami that it didn’t matter if they weremeantto be yours, if they didn’t want you you’d end up alone anyway. But hopefully that wouldn’t be the case with him.

“Interesting.” Noah smiled tightly at us. “Sorry. I don’t mean to ask so many questions. I just find the whole dynamic you share fascinating.”

I frowned as Rami scratched his jaw. Surely all angelic units were like ours? “Wasn’t it similar in Juniper?”

Noah’s smile fell. “No. It wasn’t.”

Rami opened his mouth, like he was going to question Noah further. I cut him off quickly, sensing how much Noah didn’t want that to happen. “It’s true that we’re all very close here. Hopefully it won’t be long before you feel like a true part of the Seraphim.”

He gave me a grateful smile. “I already feel far more at home here than I have anywhere else, so thank you.”

We talked for a few minutes before Rami invited us to go and watch a movie with him. Part of me wished I could join them, but the paperwork waiting in my office wasn’t going to do itself. Plus, I still needed to write my report following the visit to the shifter clan as well as type up my weekly update for Heaven.

So much for seeking out Nox. A few hours back here had reminded me how fruitless that was. How little time I had for anything for myself.

No matter how much I might want it.

Bidding them goodbye, I drifted towards the stairs. Standing at the bottom, I tried to will myself to climb them.It’s not hard. One foot in front of the other. You can do this.

I wasn’t sure I could. I’d held up the ceiling of this unit for centuries, but recently, the weight of it was threatening to crush me.

Part of me hated Dimitri. I’d spent so long in love with him, thinking he’d help me shoulder this burden. That if we were together, the second and the lead, we’d find a way tomake it work.

But all that time, Dimitri had been looking for a way out. He’d left me behind, left me alone with this, long before he’d taken his mates.

The pull in my chest was aching, begging me to take a few moments respite. To go to Nox and let him shout at me. Hate on me. To know he was the one person who didn’t look at me and see someone perfect.

No, he saw all my flaws, and even some that didn’t exist. I’d take that though. Anything over this pressure that was threatening to crush me.

I wavered at the bottom of the stairs. I needed to see him. I needed the break he’d give me.

But what if it made it harder to come back here? Or worse, what if he refused to see me? He’d certainly made his feelings towards me clear. Not that I could blame him. I’d given him no reason to warm to me. I hadn’t wanted him to.

Ididn’twant him to. At least, I shouldn’t have wanted that. I shouldn’t have wanted him.

I tried to suck in a breath, but it felt like my lungs were full of water. The oxygen only went so far. I needed air. I needed to breathe.

Spinning on my heel, I strode for the front door, not stopping until I was outside. I wasn’t sure when I started running, but somehow I was. My feet led me into the woodland beside our home, not stopping until I was deep between the trees.

Collapsing against a trunk, I leaned my head against the bark and finally dragged in a deep breath. Another. Then another.

It was then that I felt it. The hot liquid sliding down my cheek.

Just as I had in that one minute I’d given myself, Iroared my frustration out to the sky. Pulling back, I let my fist loose into the tree. Once. Twice. Three times.

There was a loud cracking noise as the tree swayed ominously.

Still the tears fell.

Dropping to my knees, I buried my face in my hands.Pull yourself together,I told myself sternly.You don’t have time to fall apart.You need to be strong. Your unit needs you.

That was the whole problem though, wasn’t it? My unit needed me.

But no one else did.

The Seraphim were my blessing and my burden. I wouldn’t have anyone to help me shoulder it. Sure, I had Ezekiel, but I couldn’t put this on him.

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