Page 98 of The Prospect

“Fuck,” he says exasperatingly. “Christ.”

He continues to do this. Groaning out in despair until eventually he turns silent. I’m not sure which is worse.

It takes me a second, but eventually, I build up the courage to fill this void in conversation with a much-needed apology. I think I’m about due for the words ‘I’m sorry,’ right about now.

“I’m sorry, mate,” I speak up. “I don’t know what else to say to you right now other than I’m sorry?—”

“Do you love her?” Hart’s question throws me for a loop as he makes direct eye contact.

I stare back at him, that’s all I do, look back at him because truth be told, he knows the answer to his question and frankly, I’m afraid that saying what he’s already thinking might make this situation way worse.

“Answer the Goddamn question, Green.” Hart doesn’t let up one bit. “Do you love her? Yes or no? Answer me!”

“Of course I fucking love her!” I shout but it’s not loud enough. My love for Hazel makes me want to scream out at the top of my lungs from the highest possible building and even then it still wouldn’t encompass just how much I love her.

“I’ve loved her from the moment I first met her, Hart! From day fucking one, fifteen years ago, and I’m sorry that it’s taken all of this to happen for me to finally realize that, but love makes you do stupid things,” I retort. “And maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be in love but?—”

“I don’t know what it’s like to be in love?” Hart’s response is rhetorical as he shakes his head, cutting me off. “What the fuck are you saying? Of course I know what it’s like, Green! Imean, can’t you see that’s why I’m struggling so badly over here? I know what it's like to love someone. Have someone love you back. So fuck you, Green!” He tries to catch his breath, settling his voice an octave. “Don’t you dare say I don’t know because I know more than anyone that when you love someone so much, you don’t care about anything else butthem…” His voice tapers off but his message continues. “I know, Green.” He’s so quiet by now it’s difficult to hear him. “I know all too well.”

“Hart, I?—”

What do I even say to that?

What’s an appropriate response?

Is there even one?

“Mate,” I try once more. “I…had no idea. No idea that you'd ever been with someone like that. You never talked about it. About them. You never told anyone.”

“I told Hazel…”

His revelation reminds me that this just keeps on getting worse and worse.

“She was the first person I ever told…the only person I’d ever felt like I wanted to tell.”

“Christopher.” Saying his first name at this point only feels appropriate, though I have not a single idea of what to follow it up with.

“That’s why this fucking sucks so badly, Green,” he beats me to a reply, “because as much as I’m fuming about this whole situation, I fucking understand. I get it. I do.”

“You do?” My brows crease in confusion.

“I do,” he huffs out. “And you wanna know why?”

I don’t dare ask.

“Because fuck, if I was ever given the chance to do things again, I’d do it. In a heartbeat…”

It pains me to see the way he’s struggling to fight back emotion, but at the same time, I’m thankful he’s talking. Thathe’s willing to sort this out, but most of all, hopeful that at the end of this, we can go back to normal… Whatever normal looks like between us.

“I mean, why do you think we’ve always scrapped over the years, Green?”

I’m dumbfounded. Searching my mind for a response that doesn’t exist.

“Christ. You really don’t know, Green?” he asks. “I mean, since I met you, you’ve always had everything that was stripped of me at your disposal. All this time, and guess what? You were too blind to see it! Too naïve to recognize it, and let's not forget, too much of an idiot to realize what you had until it was almost gone!”

I don’t deny a single insult he throws my way. It’s true. I’m all of these things: blind, naïve, an idiot. He can call me what he wants because there's no debating the truth at the end of the day.

“God…” Hart releases a long, drawn-out breath, running his hand along his beard in exhaustion before finally turning to face me. “But at the end of the day, I am too.”

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