Page 9 of The Prospect

“Practice over?” I ask as soon as I pick up the call, practically knowing his schedule to a tee.

“Yep, just leaving the stadium now.” I hear him open up his car door before closing it shut. “What are you up to?” he asks.

“You know, thinking, reading, staring at the walls. Don’t you know my Friday night routine by now?” I joke.

“How exciting,” he sarcastically remarks. “Care for some company?”

My heart skips a beat, and I have to swallow to resolve this sudden dryness in my throat. “Company?” My voice comes out as a squeal at first, but I cough to mask it. “You uh—want to come over?” I ask in disbelief.

“You’re right...” As if Green can hear the doubt in my voice, he scoffs at the idea. “Forget it, that sounds boring. Let’s just go somewhere.You and me. I need a night out.”

“Long day?” I turn on my side, immediately throwing my textbook away—there’s nothing I love more than studying the way everything Green says is just a subtle hint of his real intentions.

I need details.

“You could say that.” I hear him ignite his engine. “So, what do you say? I’ll pick you up now. Are you up for going out?”

I’m sitting up from my bed and racing toward my drawers before I can even answer—I guess it’s not a matter of I don’t want to go out. It’s a matter of who’s inviting me to.

Sorry, Amira.

“See you in fifteen?” I guess his eta.

“Ten,” he corrects. “I’m driving fast. Ireallywant to see you.”

This time my heart doesn’t even skip a beat, it just stops beating altogether.

Did he really just say that?

“Haze? Are you still there?” he calls out when I’m silent.

“Sorry.” I shake my head, embarrassed by how flushed my cheeks are in the mirror, prompting me to place the backside of my palm against them to calm it. “I’m here. I just got…”Lost in your voice. “Distracted.” I settle on instead. “Ten minutes sounds good. I’ll uh—see you soon.”

I end the call, this time reaching for Amira’s dresser instead of my own to find something that isn’t an oversized dress T-shirt or pajama top. I settle when I find a cute blouse and throw it on over my head. Amira has always had better taste in fashion than me and unlucky for her, we’re the same size.

For a while, I’m left admiring my reflection in the mirror as a spiral of questions cloud the logistics of my mind.

Will Green like it?

Is it enough?

Is it too much?

How come he wants to go out?

Was he thinking of me?

Is this what I think it is?

Is this a…date?

I turn away from the mirror. I have to. I can no longer look at my reflection because when I do, all I see is delusion. For fifteen years, I’ve been doing this, playing an endless game against my mind and my heart.

My mind always wins, reminding me that Green and I are friends, that’s all we’ve ever been, all we ever will be.

I once read online that if you tell yourself something enough, somewhere along the way, you’re bound to start believing it. I just wish my heart was so open to receive that message, instead it’s the same pattern anytime he calls. This response I don't know if I'll ever be able to break myself free from—the fact that anytime Green says jump, my body says how high?

What can I say? He’s been a constant. We’ve grown up together and yes, I’ll confess, he was my first crush. First love, even if I wasn’t his.

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