Page 87 of Fated

I hurried to my own knees in front of him, and without a second thought, wrapped my arms around him. He crumpled into me, his entire body shaking as uncontrollable sobs wracked him. I held him tightly, tremors coursing through him. I couldn’t stand seeing him like this, appearing so broken, so fractured and damaged in a way I wasn’t sure could be fixed.

“Ash, it’s ok, it’s ok,” I said, my voice pleading, rubbing his back.

His sobs only deepened, becoming more raw, more frantic. I felt so helpless, unable to console him. “Ash,” I whispered, pulling away slightly to cup his face with my hands, forcing him to look at me. “I’m here, Ash. You’re not alone. I’m here.”

My voice broke, tears spilling down my face.

“Tell me how to help you,” I pleaded.

He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head as if rejecting my comfort, and pulled out of my hands.

“What have I done?” he choked out. He opened his eyes, meeting mine for a fleeting moment, before a new wave of tears spilled over, running down his face in heavy, unstoppable streams.

He fell forward, his head bowing into my lap.

“I’m … so … sorry,” he heaved, each word fragmented by his sobs. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” he repeated, his voice frantic, overflowing with hurt.

“Ash, it’s ok. It wasn’t your fault,” I said desperately, shaking him slightly.

But when he sat up and looked into my eyes, the anguish in his gaze was unbearable, like a wound too deep to heal. “I don’t think I can live with myself, Areya. I don’t deserve to live,” he whispered, his voice raw, cheeks wet and glistening.

The words hit me like a punch to the chest, and a sob rose from deep inside me. “Don’t—don’t say that, Ash.” My voice cracked as I spoke. “You don’t deserve what happened to you. I forgave you a long time ago for everything because it wasn’t your fault. Even when you were merged with that darkness, you were still good. You are good, Ash.”

I stood to my feet, wiping my eyes, and reached down to tug at his arm.

He resisted, but I wasn’t going to let go. “Get up, Ash,” I said in a firm voice. “I’m not letting you give up. Now, get up and fight!” It was an order, a mandate, not any kind of suggestion.

Reluctantly, he obeyed, moving to stand slowly. I led him back to the bed, motioning for him to sit beside me. His emeraldeyes met mine, the heartbreak in them shattering me all over again.

“How can you look at me like that, Areya? Like I’m not the monster that wrecked your life? Why don’t you run away and never look back? You’re free. I won’t come after you.”

“No.” I snapped.

A shadow of defeat crossed his face. “Why?” he whispered, his voice soft and broken.

I didn’t mean to say it. The words slipped out before I even realized, but I didn’t regret them. “Because I love you, Ash.”

He stared at me, unmoving and unreadable, but I wouldn’t take it back. I had fallen hopelessly in love with him, and even if he didn’t feel the same way, I wanted him to know it.

Then, without a word, Ash slipped an arm under my legs and one behind my back, effortlessly scooping me up. He turned, lying down with me, setting us both on our sides facing each other.

He leaned in, pressing a gentle lingering kiss to my forehead, then pulling back just enough to meet my gaze. And I was struck all over again by the brilliant emerald of his eyes—no longer gray, no longer dull, but alive with strands of gold threading through them like rays of sunlight.

“Do you mean that?” he asked quietly.

“With everything I am,” I whispered without hesitation.

There was a long moment of silence, Ash staring at me in disbelief, his eyes searching mine as if he were trying to make sense of my words. Then he took my hands in his, lifting them to his lips, and kissing them tenderly. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Areya,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I knew I belonged to you from the moment I saw you in that bar.”

I clung to his words, breathing them in like air, my pulse racing.

“Even in the darkness, my heart belonged to you. When we first met—when I took you—I was terrified. I was a monster, a stone-cold killer who had felt nothing for sixteen years. It was impossible to explain why you suddenly filled every one of my thoughts, why I wanted to be near you all the time. I couldn’t explain my stubborn refusal to hand you over to Agidius.” He paused, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I tried to push you away by showing you the monster I was, but you … you consumed me.”

I listened intently, tears streaming down my face as he continued.

“When you were attacked, when that guard even thought about harming you, nothing existed in that moment. There was no world, no purpose, just the overwhelming need to protect you.”

His voice broke slightly, and I had to remind myself to breathe, to keep my heart steady as his words wrapped around me like a lifeline.

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