Page 43 of We Used To Be Magic

‘Thanks.’ I nod, slipping behind it. Once I’m out of sight, I examine what he’s given me – a silk camisole with delicatestraps, frilled edges and tiny, pearly buttons. I pull my T-shirt off and slip it on, the fabric cool against my skin. It’s beautiful, but the straps of my faded blue bra ruin the effect. I sigh, wriggling out of it and tucking it inside my discarded T-shirt.

Fuzzy, crooning music is emanating from the wall-mounted speakers, and I can hear Julian clattering around. I don’t want to make him wait so I tug up the waist of my jeans, smooth down my hair and re-emerge, smiling.

‘Ready,’ I tell him, taking my place.

‘Perfect,’ he says, positioning his camera on the tripod. ‘Want to show me some poses?’

I nod, arching my back and placing my hands on the small of my waist. The flash pops as I lift my chin.

‘Great,’ he says. I turn, tossing my hair slightly as I look at him over my shoulder. The light flashes again and I quickly settle into a rhythm, moving from pose to pose in small, fluid motions. A few minutes pass in silence, which I take as a good sign.

‘Really great,’ he says eventually, offering a half-smile. ‘You know, I could tell you had something special when I first saw you.’

‘At the show?’ I say, surprised. The way I remember it, he barely looked at me.

‘Uh-huh. Your friend Marika, too – I pointed you both out to Miranda. Had no idea that you knew each other.’

‘Wow. That’s such a crazy coincidence.’

‘I don’t believe in coincidence,’ he says seriously. ‘Let’s call it serendipity.’

‘Serendipity,’ I echo. He’s stopped taking pictures now – I drop the pose, letting my shoulders sag.

‘There’s this amazing contrast between you two,’ he continues. ‘She has such an incredible spirit – she just emanates strength.Fire.And you’ve got this – there’s this vulnerabilityabout you, you know? It’s palpable. And it makes for a really compelling dynamic.’

I smile, not sure what to say to that.

‘That’s what I’m trying to capture here,’ he adds, glancing down at the camera and adjusting the lens. ‘Could you take the top off?’

I blink at him. I hear the words, but it takes me a moment to process them.

‘Oh, um – I’m not wearing a bra,’ I finally manage, feeling my face flood with heat. ‘Sorry.’

‘You’re not?’ he says.

‘No.’

‘Is that a problem?’ he asks, looking at me like I’ve just said something stupid. I laugh nervously. But he doesn’t laugh with me. He just stares.

‘Um – I don’t know,’ I say finally. My voice sounds weird – detached, somehow. Like someone else is talking.

‘Is it too cold in here?’ he asks, moving towards me. I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak again – my heart is beating hard and fast, and everything is happening so quickly –

‘You look a little cold,’ he says, and he’s right in front of me now. ‘It’s okay. It’s not for long.’

He touches my shoulder then, easing off the strap of the camisole with his fingers. There’s a word stuck in my throat and that word is no, but I can’t say it. I can’t, because if I say no and he doesn’t stop—

He tugs at the other strap, and the camisole falls to the floor. My sharp intake of breath is audible, impossible to ignore in the tiny space between us. He exhales in turn and his breath is hot against my neck. My arms feel like dead weight by my sides, and all I can think is,Please, please …

‘You’re very beautiful, Audrey,’ he says quietly. ‘But you know that, don’t you?’

Acid rises in the back of my throat as I frenziedly rack my brain for the right answer – the one that’ll get me out of here. But maybe there is no right answer. I know where the door is, but I don’t let myself look at it, scared that he’ll anticipate me if I try to run. Could I run? My feet feel rooted to the floor, useless—

‘Shy, too,’ he says and gives me another half-smile. ‘Okay. Let’s try this again.’

And then he moves away, back behind the tripod. Iforcemy arms to move then, covering myself as best I can as he adjusts the lens again. I’m trembling badly now, praying that he won’t see. My eyes water as the flash pops, but I stiffly resume posing. I don’t know how much time passes or how many photos he takes.

‘Okay,’ he says finally. ‘I think we’re done here.’

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