‘It’s fine if you do, obviously,’ I add hastily. ‘Like – it has nothing to do with me. I’m not jealous.’
OhGod.That last part slipped out before I had the chance to think better of it. I look away, face flaming. Ezra’s going to think that I’m totally clingy and obsessive, now. I mean – I probably am, but …
‘We’ve hung out once since she got here,’ he says. ‘That was her, calling last night to ask if I was free. I said no, obviously.’
‘Well … it’s nice that you guys are still friends.’ I manage weakly, picking at a cuticle.
‘Yeah. I mean – we’re trying to figure that out right now. It didn’t end very well.’
‘Figure out … being friends?’
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Justfriends.’
I nod, internally cringing at the fact that I’ve basically forced him to spell that out for me. Still, the relief I feel is undeniable.
‘I wasn’t deliberately trying to hide it from you,’ he adds. ‘I didn’t want to have this conversation with Tomas and Maggie watching, either, but I’m glad we’re having it now. I want you to feel like we can be honest with each other, because this city is intense. And your job – that’s probably intense too, so if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. Whatever, whenever. Okay?’
‘Okay,’ I say, slightly unnerved by how specific this conversation is getting.
‘So – are you good?’ he presses. ‘Is there anything bothering you, or … ?’
‘If this is about the other night, I’m honestly just a sad, messy drunk,’ I say slowly. ‘Really.’
He nods, leaning back in his chair.
‘Good,’ he says. Then, after a pause – ‘So, just to confirm – you’renotjealous?’
Damn it. I should have known that he wasn’t going to let that one slide.
‘That’s what I said.’ I nod, picking up the soda and taking a sip. Ezra takes it from me when I move to put it back in the cupholder, his eyes meeting mine as our fingers brush.
‘Besides,’ I say impulsively, holding his gaze. ‘If I were jealous, I wouldn’t admit it.’
‘No?’ Ezra says mildly.
‘No,’ I reply. ‘It’s not a flattering emotion.’
‘I don’t know that I’ve ever heard someone describe an emotion as “flattering” before.’
‘It wouldn’t reflect well on me, is what I’m saying.’
‘It’s an involuntary response, surely?’
‘Do youwantme to be jealous?’ I counter.
‘Maybe,’ Ezra says after a pause, a crooked smile forming on his lips. ‘Which I suppose doesn’t reflect very well on me, either.’
The screen flickers to life, then, and music starts to pour from the speakers above us as the lights dim. I look towards the screen, struggling to keep my face impassive as my heart pounds insistently, begging me to turn back. Instead, I sit stiffly and angle my chin and pretend I haven’t realised that Ezra is still watching me, eyes burning in the darkness.
‘What made you run away, then?’ he asks, voice low. ‘Last night, I mean.’
‘I don’t remember running,’ I say primly. ‘Maybe you’re misremembering.’
‘Not so sure I am, actually. You peeled off pretty quickly.’
‘Doesn’t ring a bell. When was this, exactly?’
‘Oof. Wasn’t memorable, huh?’