Page 47 of We Used To Be Magic

‘Oh, that’s nice.’

‘Yep. How about you? How’s your week been?’

‘Um – fine,’ I say. ‘Busy.’

A beat of silence, then – I’m sensing that Ezra’s as unwilling to talk about his family as I am my week, hence the conversational lull.

‘Sorry Marika couldn’t make it tonight,’ I say hastily, figuring it’s as good a pivot as any. ‘Is Mac disappointed?’

‘He’ll live,’ Ezra says mildly. ‘He was in charge of the guest list, so he’ll have made sure there’re other romantic prospects on offer.’

‘Oh,’ I say, surprised. ‘Did you – do you think Marika was interested in him like that?’

‘Well, you know her better than I do. I just figured, seeing as everyone else seems to be.’

‘Everyone? Not everyone, surely.’

‘No? Not you?’

‘No.’ I laugh. ‘Of course not.’

‘ “Of course not”?’ he echoes, grinning.

‘Yeah. I mean – it’s just not like that,’ I say, flustered, turning from Ezra’s gaze – it’s too intent, and suddenly I’m scared that he’s about to look right through me. ‘Mac’s great, obviously, but …’

I never finish that sentence, though. Whatever I was about to say, the words fall away as my eyes alight on a figure by the far window with mussed, pale brown hair, back turned as he talks to a girl in a ruffled dress. But it can’t be him. The odds that Mac or Ezra would know Julian, let alone invite him to a party …

‘You okay?’ Ezra asks, nudging me slightly. I nod, not trusting myself to speak, unable to tear my eyes away. The guy turns then, gesturing at something. It’s not him, and the relief that washes over me is so intense that I feel dizzy.

‘Sure?’ Ezra asks, frowning.

‘Yeah,’ I manage. ‘Sorry. I spaced out for a sec – I’m good.’

I raise my cup to my lips, drinking down the sickly sweet contents as if it’ll dislodge that initial panic, still wedged between my ribs. It feels physical, constricting my lungs.

‘Okay,’ Ezra says, sounding doubtful. ‘Uh – do you want another drink? Or we could get some air?’

‘Another drink would be great,’ I say, slightly breathless. ‘Thank you.’

‘But … you’re sure you’re all right?’

‘I’m sure,’ I say firmly, forcing a smile. ‘I’m good.’

If I say it enough times, then eventually it’ll be true.

EZRA

‘CAN YOUSTOP TWITCHING?YOU’RE STRESSINGME OUT.’

‘I’m not twitching. Just – don’t you think Audrey’s been gone a while?’

Eleven minutes, to be exact. She said she was going to the bathroom, but I can’t quite shake this nagging feeling of unease, compounded by the fact that she’s been drinking steadily all night. I stopped fetching her refills when she started to muddle her words but that didn’t stop other people from offering them. And suggesting that she slow down would have sounded unbearably patronising, so … I didn’t.

It’s not like she isn’t having a good time. She’s been smiling, laughing, even dancing with Mac when a Lorde song came on. I stayed where I was, trying not to stare.

‘Go check on her, then,’ Mac says. He’s sitting on the sofa with Dominic, who seems to be his date for the night. I’m on the floor.

‘I don’t know,’ I sigh. ‘Is that not a bit weird?’

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