Page 36 of We Used To Be Magic

That was just a funny story at the time – one of many. I’m embarrassed to admit how long it took me to realise how carelessly Caro was treating herself, too, miring her life indrama and heartbreak just to feel something other than Mum’s absence.

But that’s not me – whatever my failings as a boyfriend were, they didn’t include commitment issues. I’m not trying to use Audrey to distract myself from Edie – how could I when they occupy such disparate spaces of my brain? And, honestly, fuck Caroline for implying that.

I let out a huff of breath, reaching for my phone to see if Audrey’s replied.

You’re the expert tour guide! Surprise me :)

It’s crazy, the way my mood lifts just reading that – I tap out a response in record time.

where should i meet you?

I hit send and start walking, suddenly desperate to get home. My apartment is a mess, I’m in dire need of a shower and now I have plans to plan – hangover be damned, I’m moving fast and feeling relatively clear-headed until I catch sight of a girl with short blonde hair and my stomach almost drops out of my body. Jesus. Now I know that Edie’s in the city I’ll be seeing her everywhere, consciously or otherwise. Whether I actually want to or not.

Okay- I may have to acknowledge that Caroline might not have beentotallymisguided in her interpretation of events.Take it slow, she kept saying, and in an ideal world, I would. But Caro doesn’t know thatgiving it timeis a luxury that I don’t have. Audrey could disappear at a moment’s notice, jetting off to bigger things and better potential love interests.

That’s the other thing- smart as it may be to keep things platonic, I’m not sure that I’m capable of it. If she isn’t interestedin me like that then it’s a non-issue, of course – I’m happy to be her friend, and God knows I could probably do with one too. But what if she is – what if I turn to look at her one day and see the things I feel reflected back at me? How could I ever turn away?

My phone buzzes, then. Audrey’s replied with an address –heraddress, which she apparently trusts me enough to give, and for a moment my heart is tangled between them – the spectre of Edie, the promise of Audrey. It doesn’t stop me from picking up the pace, feet moving faster as I propel myself towards more decisions I’ll almost inevitably regret.

AUDREY

ISCRUTINISE MYREFLECTION INTHE MIRROR,TUGGING ATTHEhem of my jumper. It’s soft and grey and the nicest one I packed, which isn’t saying much. I also have no idea if it’ll be appropriate for where Ezra and I are going, seeing as I have no idea where that’ll be – I was trying to be cool and laid back by letting him surprise me, forgetting that I’m not and have never been a cool and laid back person. I wish Marika were here, if only to tell me to stop being so neurotic.

‘Audrey!’ someone calls up the stairs. ‘There’s a boy here! He says that he knows you!’

I stiffen, snapping back to reality. Ezra said he’d come at six and it’s only – ah. Where’s my phone?

‘Coming!’ I call back, tearing around my room like a hurricane. I finally discover it under my duvet and seize it, grabbing my bag and practically throwing myself down the stairs to the front door. Hari is standing there beside it, looking absolutely incredible in a black mesh bodysuit and silver jacket. She’s from Germany, lithe and athletic with cropped blonde hair and a tendency to fall asleep at castings. She’s also one of the few girls still living here after the others left for London.

‘I was leaving. He was outside,’ she tells me, gesturing at the door. It’s slightly ajar, held in place by a taut door chain. Through the gap I can see Ezra, who raises a hand in greeting.

‘He’s a friend,’ I say, feeling my face heat. ‘Sorry. I forgot to tell him that the bell was broken.’

‘Okay,’ she says simply, unclipping the chain and parting the door. She breezes past us – Ezra smiles crookedly, apparently unperturbed.

‘In fairness, I wouldn’t have let me in either,’ he says.

‘I’msosorry. I lost track of time, and my phone—’

‘You’re good. I just got here.’

‘I’m going to choose to believe that.’ I smile, grateful for his easy, unassuming kindness as I step outside. The sun is just beginning to set, dark wisps of cloud trailing through the pink-hued sky as we start to walk. Ezra is wearing a check shirt and dark jeans, a backpack slung over his shoulder. None of it gives me a better idea of where we’re going.

‘You have two flatmates, then?’ he prompts. ‘Marika and …’

‘Hari. And Anja. There’s actually four of us right now.’

‘That place has four bedrooms?’

‘No, uh – we bunk up. It’s pretty standard for models who are starting out. Our agency owns the apartment and we pay them rent.’

‘Must be pretty reasonable, then?’

‘Well, New York is expensive.’

‘No, then.’

‘No.’ I smile. ‘It’s cheaper than a hotel, at least.’

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